Today is “Feminist Pride Day”
Today is Feminist Pride Day.
In honor of that, I thought I’d tell a little story.
Long ago, when I first started my blog, I was contacted by someone about the “homemaker” definition in the sidebar of my blog.
For a little background — this definition is the earliest definition of “homemaker” that we could find. That’s why it’s there. It’s the first time homemaker was found in a dictionary. It’s just a historical thing.
So, I get contacted by this person. And I’m going to qualify that I love this person very dearly and always have. This is simply an opinion of life on which we have disagreed, and butted heads, for over 20 years.
“At your site today, I noticed the definition of ‘homemaker.’ I’m sure its completely there for effect … after all, who visiting the site would need the definition. But as I was looking at it, I found that I was offended. After all, I make a home as a wife and mother, but I also make more money than my husband does. So that excludes me from being a homemaker by definition. It’s not a criticism of your lifestyle … sometimes I wish I didn’t have to work (sometimes … I find a great deal of fulfillment in my chosen profession). But at the same time, I almost found the definition critical of my lifestyle. Maybe I’m not within the demographic of your blog’s audience … maybe no one else would find that offensive. Just a thought. Maybe I’m just a little touchy because ..[insert personal life stuff]… And that’s a lot of mental, emotional and physical stress for me. Anyway … I don’t mean to offend you because I was offended. I just wanted to share that thought with you.”
My response was the same as it always is when someone brings up that particular definition on my sidebar. ” That was how homemaker was defined in 1876, which is why the date is on there. If you’ve read my articles concerning homemaking, you’ll see that I don’t exclude the women who work jobs.”Her reply, ” You are under the impression that I haven’t read those posts? I have … and just again this morning looked through them. Your posts say that you can have a career and still be a homemaker. But your “1876” definition of the word is right there on the home page and soon as it loads. So, if that’s not how you feel, I ask you what is the point of putting a 134-year-old definition on the site?”
My reply, “Because I like the definition. I like the lack of political correctness and the simplicity of it. I like the concept of a wife and a mother managing a home while the husband earns a living. I think it is the perfect model in the ideal situation. Because I really am black and white like that.”
Her reply, ” Well, black and white, in 1876, women were not even considered citizens of the United States, nor did they have the rights given under citizenship status. I could go into a whole long list of why 1876 wasn’t ideal, nor was life ideal for women in 1876.”
My reply, “I don’t think that the women’s movement has done anyone any justice, personally. I would say that most women have it harder now than they did in 1876.”
Her reply, “Ugh. Well, don’t vote then. And I’ll see if I can find you a corset.”
[collapse in conversation]
She said, “Forgot the rule. Don’t talk about religion or politics or express any opinions. Gotta go back to work now.”
I said, “The problem with discussing religion, politics, or opinions is that there comes a moment when someone shows a lack of respect, which is where it starts to go downhill. Fact: 1876 women weren’t citizens, etc. Opinion: I think that most women have it harder now than in 1876. Lack of respect: UGH. I’ll go buy you a corset.”
Her reply: “But I noticed you didn’t mention voting there when you were talking about disrespect. Could it be that there’s some some “justice” you enjoy from the women’s movement?”
My reply: “I would be as interested in politics whether I could vote or not. I don’t care that women couldn’t vote any more than I care than women can. Because I have the right to vote, I vote because I feel I have the civic duty to do so. But, if I could not vote, I would trust my husband’s decisions in the voting booth to speak for my family.”
That was the end of the conversation.
On a recent Pinterest, I saw a sign that read, “Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.”
I thought, “That may be true, but it’s also the radical notion that men aren’t worth being people (unless they’re homosexual), nor are the unwanted unborn, nor is anyone who disagrees with the feminist ideology. To radical feminists, I’m not worthy of being a person, either. I’m a waste of breath, and a waste of life.”
So, while it’s “radical”, it’s only an ideology.
Let me say something here that I’ve probably danced around but never said.
I’m not a feminist. I never have been. I do not like feminism or what it’s done to our world. I do not like the fact that the majority of families, when they actually are intact families, have both parents working. I believe that is detrimental to the family, and I believe that is the cause for the higher divorce rate, the emasculation of men, the collapse of the family, and the beginning of the collapse of the church. I believe that when the family is at risk, then the church is at risk, and Satan wins. Which means that I personally believe that feminism is a tool of Satan designed to destroy first the family and then the church — whether those impassioned with the notion of feminism realize they’re being used by the enemy or not.
So, happy Feminist Pride Day.
Addendum post publication: (And this is not an “attack” on all mothers working — I discussed that in detail in my post titled, “When I Grow Up I Want to Be a Mom.)
Hallee
I’m so grateful for your visit, today.
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I thoroughly enjoyed today’s post. You are so well-spoken. I do agree with you and I respect the way your interacted with the writer of the criticism of the definition on this wonderful site. God bless you! And thank you for this blog. :)
First I want to say that I like that you don’t dance around your opinions. That’s one of the reasons I like this blog. Your “black and white like that” and that’s fine. I agree with you that very radical feminist who believe “that men aren’t worth being people (unless they’re homosexual), nor are the unwanted unborn, nor is anyone who disagrees with the feminist ideology…” are more detrimental than progressive.
However, I disagree that all feminism is bad. We live in a fallen world where weaker individuals get taken advantage of, and I’m glad feminism has helped create a little more equal balance under the law and as a culture.
To me the benefits of feminism are not just that women can vote and work now, but that women can keep their children and property after a divorce, can buy a car without needing their father or husband’s signature, and can go to the police and be taken seriously if they are being abused. These are little things that say, “We as a society respect and trust women, and no longer treat them as children.”
(This is my personal opinion, I still love this blog, I hope no one takes it in the wrong way)
Blech. I have endured the egotism and unbending self-righteousness of this site for far too long and am one of I imagine very few who have made it through every one of Gregg’s Creationism posts (not necessarily because I agree with him, but because I admire his scholarship) but this takes the cake.
You have lost a follower. I realize I am only one, and it can’t possibly hurt to lose me, but I just can’t do it any more. Coming here makes me feel bad about myself. That, to me, is the mark of something that is the opposite of inspired.
Signed,
Samantha (a homemaker and NOT a feminist)
I didn’t take it the wrong way at all. I’m so happy you shared your opinion.
We are in a fallen world. Everything gets twisted and skewed away from God’s design.
Excellent post, again, Hallee! Even though my home situation is less than ideal for our family dynamic (due to lack of choice and the economy, I’m currently a full-time, working mother), I fully agree with everything you’ve posted here.
Keep up the good work!
I was once a full time working mother, too. But my opinion was the same – lol.
I wouldn’t want anyone to feel bad about themselves by coming here. There are sites that do the same to me, and I just typically avoid them, so I know why you would choose not to read me anymore. I’m sorry that you’ve felt that way coming here.
I think you, like many people, have a misunderstanding of what true feminism is. “That may be true, but it’s also the radical notion that men aren’t worth being people (unless they’re homosexual), nor are the unwanted unborn, nor is anyone who disagrees with the feminist ideology. To radical feminists, I’m not worthy of being a person, either. I’m a waste of breath, and a waste of life.” Your thoughts here show that you have had the truly unfortunate experience of reading and hearing too many things dubbed “feminist” but are in reality a group of people taking out their frustrations on men in an unproductive way. True feminism does not hate men, families, or women who choose to stay at home. True feminism is liberating. True feminism is working towards the good of all people, of all genders. I would encourage you to read bell hooks at some point and see what you think. “Feminism is for Everybody” is my favorite and most highly reccomended. I think you will see compassion and love in that version of true feminism that you have not seen in things flippantly labeled “feminist.”
As for the idea that feminism has caused this two-parent working household dilemma, I have and always will point out the obvious fact that it is CAPITALISM that has driven families to 1) “need” more and 2) be required to pay increasingly high amounts to keep their families fed, clothed, and cared for. Two-worker households are largely a product of capitalism and the overwhelming push for profit in a capitalist global economy. Feminism is not the root of all evil; greed is.
I LOVE this article and agree with you 100%. I have never had this conversation with anyone (yet), but it would go the same way yours did, no doubt. I also believe that the “right” for women to vote was simply a step in the direction of reversing the roles God designed us to fulfill in our homes–with a husband as head of his home and his wife as his helpmeet. I’d gladly give up the worldly right to vote if it meant putting homes back in the order our Creator wanted…and I believe STILL wants them to be.
I didn’t read this article as any kind of demeaning of anyone else. In fact, the more I read about feminism and feminist groups–the more demeaning I find going on! Feminist groups say “WE WANT RIGHTS!” but as soon as a woman says “I want the right to be at home with my children” or “I want the right to homeschool”…those groups attack HER! It is a double standard…the same double standard that Eve experienced in the Garden of Eden. She couldn’t believe the lies of the serpent and remain pure and live in the Garden–but she wanted both. She believed she could have both.
And the same holds true for women. We can’t, in my humble opinion, work outside the home AND truly fulfill the calling of the Lord on our lives according to His Word. I once asked an older woman–a mentor, if you will–if she believed that all women should be homemakers (at home with their children was my meaning of the word at the time). Her reply was “well, it’s not black and white”…and my first thought was, “It is in MY Bible!” :)
I have posted on my pretty new blog about a few of these things–I’d love to hear your thoughts if you take time to read other blogs. And you’ve got a faithful follower here!
Greed is indeed.
I think it’s circular, though, to be honest. But greed is certainly very much a part of the circle, if not the one spinning it.
And, one more thing I might add…In an ideal feminist world, no woman would be judged for what she did or didn’t do. That means a woman could stay at home to be a “homemaker” without hearing all the nonsense that she doesn’t work. That means that a woman could contribute her talents in the professional world without being told she is neglecting her family. That means all women could do what they love and love what they do without fear of reproach or criticism. That is liberating. And that is freedom for all.
Happy Feminist Pride Day!
Thank you for this post! I saw that it was National Woman’s Day or whatever and my first thought was “When is it national man’s day?” I don’t believe in fairness per say, but I do with organizations and holidays. If we can get a day, then why can’t men?
I completely agree with your post and think many of the same things myself. I am glad of many of the freedoms that we as women now have but I also think that not all of this “progress” is good. I’ve been a full time working mother and now I’m a full time homemaker.
OH…I felt I should add this in case anyone is reading. I came home from a $50K/yr job just before our first child was born 5 yrs ago. We took a huge hit financially from not planning well. My husband had to take on a SECOND full-time job in order to provide for our needs. We had a 2nd child just 15 months later. At that time, we were struggling so badly with him being gone all the time that we decided for me to go back to work full-time. I lasted almost one year, and that was just before going into a DEEP depression.
I found the truth on these matters during that year, though, rather than just “feeling” like I needed to be home–I found the truth in God’s Word that my husband is created to work and that he can handle it. And I found the truth that I am created to be a homemaker (as defined on your blog).
We now have THREE children, I’m still at home, my husband still works two jobs–though not as many hours as he did for the last 5 years–and we are BOTH more joyful and content in our roles than we were when we had more income, but we weren’t doing what we knew the Lord wanted each of us to do (for him to provide and for me to be a homemaker).
I concur.
Within the framework of a Christian world-view, I don’t think anyone should be criticized for doing anything they feel God has led them to do – whether it’s a woman working outside of the home or something else.
But I also addressed this in more depth in this article: http://www.halleethehomemaker.com/2011/05/when-i-grow-up-i-want-to-be-a-mom-part-i/
part 2 is here: http://www.halleethehomemaker.com/2011/05/when-i-grow-up-i-want-to-be-a-mom-part-2/
I was surprised about the opinions I came to, because going into the idea to write the article, I didn’t think I had those opinions.
What a well written post! I think that people don’t truly understand when I say that I don’t agree with feminists. I couldn’t have said my thoughts any better than you, good job!
Totally agree! Thanks for having the courage to post.
Very interesting post, and thank you for linking to your previous posts on wanting to be a mother. I definitely don’t consider myself a feminist, and never have bothered to look up the definition. I guess I do feel women should be valued as much as men, and not at the cost of men. But mostly my view is specific to my relationship with my husband and my family and I don’t feel fit to judge anyone else’s. I do feel like I am called to work. I work for the federal government, and my own work in particular is beneficial to society, and to the health and well being of the community. I am not driven by economic goals, for myself, or for a company. Because of my education and specific job, I do make a good salary and very good health benefits. I feel good knowing the work I do has a direct benefit to, well, everyone who lives in this region, including my family.
BUT–I work part time, and 2 days a week from home. I spend a lot of time with my kids, and I am very lucky for that. I have friends who work full time out of the house and spend 1-2 hours a day with their kids and I don’t know how they do it. My husband works a lot and gets 1-2 hours a day with our kids and I don’t know how he stands it. I feel lucky that I sort of get to have the best of both worlds. This is only possible with the help of a caregiver who comes to our house and has really become part of the family.
I don’t HAVE to work, financially. I like working. I feel bad for women who work because they have to. But also, certainly working women have contributed so much to our society—in terms of scientific and medical advances, for example–that to exclude them would be detrimental. How does a women decide, if she has real skill/intelligence/ingenuity, between staying home and focusing only on her home life, or sharing those gifts with the world?
I really enjoyed reading this and am very happy to say that our opinions on this are very similar. I don’t come from a christian world-view, but from a feminist secular standpoint, I believe the same things. I appreciate your willingness to acknowledge the realities of our world (poverty, single motherhood, etc) and to note that full-time homemaking is not possible for everyone.
What is hard to understand is why women who are “feminists” are so often ascribed motivations for working outside the home that are so selfish and self-serving. They are all working within the realities that you described in your piece as well; they are doing what they feel called to do or what is necessary. Most, if not all, women who work outside the home because they choose to are doing so because they truly love what they do and are gifted in doing, much like the army woman in your story. I doubt you will ever find a woman choosing to work outside the home when she doesn’t necessarily have to working at a mindless, meaningless job like a gas station or waitressing simply because she wants to prove a selfish point that she has that “right.”
We are all women working within an imperfect system and an imperfect world. We do the best we can. Even “feminists.”
Hallee, as a follower of your blog I find a lot of food for thought in your postings, though naturally I do not always agree. This post has stayed with me all day, mainly due to this comment:
I’m so sorry, the quote has messed up – the paragraph that troubled me is:
“I would be as interested in politics whether I could vote or not. I don’t care that women couldn’t vote any more than I care than women can. Because I have the right to vote, I vote because I feel I have the civic duty to do so. But, if I could not vote, I would trust my husband’s decisions in the voting booth to speak for my family.”
Excellent! Thanks for not backing down or dancing around the issues.
I especially appreciate your response to not being able to vote. If we can’t trust our husbands to vote for us, then how can we trust them to sleep with us or father our children? If a family could vote, the father/husband would vote for the good of the family and things would be virtually no different. For those women that vote differently than their husbands, why bother? Your votes just cancel each other out.
Good men have always valued good women. Feminism is based in bitterness against those that have disrespected women and taking it out on all men. While it may have started with good intentions, coming out from under the headship of our husbands because we could do “it” better ourselves has had horrible ramifications.
I fear that several generations of women have spent all their time and effort on shooting down men and in the process shrapnel has hit our children. Perhaps the saddest thing is we have hurt ourselves in so many ways, but we don’t realize it until we wake up years later to see that we’ve destroyed our most priceless treasures.
Feminist Pride Day…..how accurate a description since pride is the opposite of love. I have not seen anything but pride and selfishness in the feminist ideology.
I may not always agree, but I usually learn something reading your blog. I believe all people, male and female, have a right to be treated equally. I believe that a woman is as intelligent as a man. I believe woman have a right to have their voice heard. I believe in equal pay and equal responsibility for all. That means no short cuts for woman in a this world. EQUAL treatment isn’t always what is easiest to say or for people to realize that sometimes a woman is not cut out to do something. I saw a special on equal rights and firefighters one day. Female firefighters have less stringent requirements than their male counterparts. How is that equal? To me it isn’t. I am sure someone is upset now.
I stay home, I am a home maker yet I have an income coming in to our home. Is it enough to live off of? No, my husband provides for our family. I believe a man can nurture a child, some men are incredibly loving and caring with their children. I know of homes where the male is the home maker and feel that is equally worthy of defense. My husband is very nurturing and good with our children, yet he has said he is not made to stay home with them full time, I am. I believe many parts of the feminist movement have taken from the family unit. I believe parts of feminism take away from my right to stay home and be Mom. I chose this, I want this, I am not giving anything up, I am gaining much. I guess I can sum my rambling up by saying I believe equal should actually be equal- for men and women.
Makes me think of the movie G.I. Jane. I didn’t think I’d like it. But watching it, with her keeping the same standards as a man, made me like it. That isn’t how the military treats men and women, of course, but it was nice to see it played that way on screen.
I completely, 100%, disagree with you and side with your “friend” on this one:) However, i think you are a wonderful writer and i really enjoy your blog! I’ll keep reading to get a different perspective on life.
Hello Hallee, I loved this post. You explained my feelings perfectly. Thank-you so much!
Linda