Category Archives: Family

Facebook = Snakebook

Snakebook and other Human Distancers

Gregg & Hallee in Kuwait

A guest post by my brilliant husband, Gregg.

For many years when I posted to the blog daily, every Sunday my clever husband would offer me a “day of rest” by taking over the homemaker duties here. Though this wasn’t finished by Sunday, this is one of those posts. Enjoy.

A Snake in the Garden

In our fallen world, my duties are pretty clear as the male half of the Biblical ONE that is our holy state of matrimony. I am to follow the “three P’s” principle to act as high Priest of my home, Provide for my home, and Protect my home and loved ones. That is what the Bible requires of husbands and fathers.

If you read the third Chapter of Genesis, you will discover the very often overlooked fact that Adam was standing right next to his wife the entire time the serpent tempted her.

Creation: Adam Eve Serpent

The serpent tempts the first humans

In the KJV, the presence of the plural “ye” versus the singular “you” throughout the chapter is correctly translated from the original Hebrew (even if some of the punctuation and capitalization is a bit questionable) because the serpent is speaking to — or at least about — a plural set of human beings throughout the dialogue.

4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: 5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

To translate that into clear English would go something like this.

4 And the serpent said to the woman, “The two of you surely will not die. 5 God knows that once the two of you eat that fruit, then both your eyes will be opened, and both of you will be like gods, knowing good and evil.”

Then, scripture says.

“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.” (Genesis 3:6, NKJV)

The word “with” in this verse, the Hebrew word אִם ‘im, implies joint action, as indicated in its dictionary entry in the authoritative HALOT Hebrew lexicon, “communal action or action in company…”.

Despite many attempts over the centuries to remain obtuse on this point by even respected commentators, Strong included, the verses really speak for themselves and very clearly in my opinion. The often retold Bible stories that imply Adam was absent or whatever are simply in error. He was there with her the whole time — and he was NOT doing his job.

Adam’s job was to cover his wife as high Priest, Provide for her needs, and Protect her to the point of defending their garden by keeping the snakes out.

What is your Legacy?

Snakebook forked tongueWe only get about 10% or less of every day in time we can claim as our own. That’s it; just 10% or less. The question I asked myself a long time ago was this, “Do I really want to waste spend that time on Facebook?”

For me, it was an easy question to answer. I don’t have  a Facebook account. Same goes for GooglePlus, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, or any other such “social media” service account. I have never had any of these and don’t plan to ever sign up. I have my reasons for this but they don’t need to be written out here.

I have done other things with my time which mainly support one or another principle of Provision, Priesthood, or Protection. Instead of something like Facebook, I continue to leverage more traditional social media communication services. One is called Phone-book and the other is called Real Face. In short, I either speak with someone on a telephone or in person, face to face, in real life. If I use email or such, it is really just a preliminary note prior to a phone call or a meeting. Old fashioned, I know, but still remarkably more effective than Facebook.

What inspired this article today is this: Hallee is on Facebook.

She’s on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and Pinterest and Yahoo group Mailing lists and GooglePlus, and on and on and on it goes. It’s understandable. She’s on these services for ministry reasons, work reasons, and some personal reasons. In watching interactions on Facebook over the past several years from a very objective distance I have observed a trend that I felt needed to be addressed.

In terms of Facebook, there’s a snake in the garden.

Husbandry

In recent years, “marriage” has been culturally redefined as a purely secular contract for largely sexual encounters (deviant or otherwise) instead of being defined as a state of “holy matrimony” which necessarily defines it as a sanctified and holy state of being. Thus the sanctity of marriage between a husband and wife has largely evaporated. This complete lack of respect for the sanctity of marriage is VERY apparent on social media — like Facebook.

Whenever Billy Graham was traveling abroad on one of his numerous campaigns over the years, he NEVER once met with any member of the opposite sex in his actual hotel room — regardless of whether others were present, whether the door was left open, whether the lobby was crowded — under no circumstances did he ever allow it. Instead he abstained from the very appearance of evil.

Speaking for myself, if I happened to drop by a friend’s home and his wife was home alone, under no circumstances would I cross the threshold. There is ONE time in my life when I did thinking he was home. The moment I discovered he was not, I called him on the phone, explained my presence, and left immediately. It is not only about my own personal integrity and remaining above reproach, but it is a mark of respect for the sanctity of their marriage.
Facebook = Snakebook

These conventions observing the sanctity of marriage were much more prominent when people interacted face to face in social situations. The electronic means of communication misleadingly labeled “social” media is really not very social. It’s media but in a very real way it distances people from realizing that they are socializing with human beings. If you’ve been living under a rock for the last several years you may have missed the stories about Facebook bullies leading to suicides, homicides, and rape.

From what I can see, conventions of respect for the sanctity of a marriage have been utterly discarded in Facebook land. In the land of Facebook, married men who should absolutely know better often cross the threshold with married women who are not their wives. They are not being sneaky about this behavior. They are being snaky.

man yelling at woman

This happens on Facebook a lot more than it ever happens in real life

I cannot tell you how many remarks another man’s wife has made in my actual presence with which I have staunchly disagreed. If it is a topic about which I am passionate which could lead to an argument or hurt feelings, unless her husband is standing there with her, my default activity is usually to keep mouth shut. I have sought out her husband and asked his opinion on the topic. But it really is not my place to argue with or lead another man’s wife.

In very direct contrast, over the last several years I have witnessed married men insult, mock, or tempt married women who are not their wives using the medium of Facebook. From what I can tell, this is done without any thought or concern about the impact their words can and very often do have upon the women who are not their wives or the community in which they coexist.

Understand, I am not mainly speaking of my wife, here. We understand that the brands known as “Hallee The Homemaker” and “Hallee Bridgeman, Novelist” are somewhat iconic in nature. We are fully braced for slings, arrows, and attacks of every type to come against those ministry efforts. It is actually not difficult to distance ourselves from that when it happens.

What I am talking about is any of a number of married women of our acquaintance who makes some off-hand remark on Facebook and one or more married men who are NOT her husband having some snotty, mocking, sharp, or even (and this is by far the worst) flirtatious statement publicly posted to the thread.

I honestly believe that such insulting, mocking, or teasing statements as I have read in these cases over the years would never even be uttered in person. Under no imaginable circumstances would they be spoken if it were the case that her husband was with her when the serpent began his work. Make no mistake, after witnessing the effect this has on her, on her husband, and on their circle of friends — having witnessed it on more than one occasion — this is the work of the deceiver.

My purpose in writing this post is twofold.

First, if you are a married man and you feel you need things like Facebook in your life, I will strongly caution you about “friending” another man’s wife. Would you visit her actual home if her husband were away? Would you invite her into your hotel room? Then what business do you have being HER friend on Facebook? If you still feel you somehow need to “Friend” another man’s wife, I urge you to use the utmost caution before you cross her threshold and type any words AT ALL on her wall. If you just cannot contain yourself, maybe ask yourself if you could leave those words on her HUSBAND’s Facebook page. Would he appreciate your teasing, mocking, or insulting note to his wife? Bottom line, you probably have no business talking on Facebook to any other man’s wife who isn’t one of your direct relatives, dude.

If you’re a married woman, I will strongly caution you about “friending” another woman’s husband. Biblically, you are to submit to YOUR OWN husband and not just anyone’s husband. Pray about that and consider “unfriending” some male Facebook friends if you need to.

Secondly, husbands, the three Ps mean being involved in your wife’s life. How many married men who are not relatives are “Facebook Friends” with your wife? If a married man wants to be “Friends” with your wife on Facebook, have you ever asked her to justify accepting the friend request? If you vetted him and things still go badly, use Phonebook or Real Face and speak to him explaining why your wife is no longer his “Facebook friend” to keep the snakes out of your garden, dude.

If you’re a married woman, un-friend and block is an easy and very low drama activity. It might even get you a Phone-book or Real Face apology, which, by the way, you are due.

I commit to you that I will publish every single comment that meets this blog’s commenting criteria which I have linked here in case you wanted to review that criteria before adding your opinion here.

God Bless you and yours.

Gregg


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Bethlehem House of Bread

This song is by the Annie Moses Band. It is truly one of the most beautiful Christmas songs I’ve ever heard. Enjoy.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

Hallee


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rockwell-thanksgiving

30 Days of Thankfulness Day 28

I often post a list of all the things for which I’m thankful on Thanksgiving. But, in an effort to get back into the habit of daily blogging, I’ve decided to do a post a day for the month of November.

28. Thanksgiving

rockwell-thanksgiving

I *LOVE* having a time of year where everyone focuses on the things for which they’re thankful.  I love feasts and family and gathering and traditions.  I love that until just the last couple of years, Thanksgiving was just Thanksgiving and nothing commercial or corporate. I love that there are people who seek out ways to serve today, at soup kitchens and missions around the country.  I love that the roads were full of travelers yesterday heading to homes and families.

That said, I’m sad, as I type this, because when I got to my parents’ house last night and saw a commercial (which I never see at home, so I’ve been in ignorant bliss) that stores are opening at 5PM on Thanksgiving for Black Friday early birds. That sucks.  And, I’m using this platform to exclaim how much that sucks.

But — aside from that, I think Thanksgiving is a beautiful time.  I pray that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and in a moment of quiet prayer or meditation, give God thanks.

Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands!
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before His presence with singing.
Know that the Lord, He is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
For the Lord is good;
His mercy is everlasting,
And His truth endures to all generations. ~Psalm 100

 

Hallee


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30 Days of Thankfulness Day 11

I often post a list of all the things for which I’m thankful on Thanksgiving. But, in an effort to get back into the habit of daily blogging, I’ve decided to do a post a day for the month of November.

11. Veterans

I love this country. It is truly the greatest country on earth, with so much promise and potential. I get annoyed a lot of times at gluttony, greed, laziness, entitlement, etc., and I sometimes forget and let those feelings overshadow the fact that there is so much good here, so much hard work that built this land — that we live in a land that people actually die trying to get to.

I am so proud of the military legacy of my family. I pray that my sons continue it, and continue to fight for and stand for America. Here is my annual “What Veteran’ Day Means to Me” posting of the honor of my family’s service to our country:

My Great-Grandfather, WWI

my great-grandfather, WWI

my maternal grandfather, WWII

my maternal grandfather, WWII

my paternal grandfather, WWII

my paternal grandfather, WWII

my father-in-law, Vietnam

My father-in-law, Vietnam

My dad, 2nd Ranger Battallion, 1980

My father, 2nd Ranger Battallion, 1980

My father-in-law and sister-in-law, Jump School Graduation, 1989

My father-in-law and sister-in-law, Jump School Graduation, 1986

My dad, Ranger School Instructor, 1986

My dad, Ranger School Instructor, 1986

My husband, his dad, his sister, Kuwait, 1991

My husband, his dad, his sister, Dharhan, Saudi Arabia, Easter Sunday 1991

my mom and dad, 1998

my mom and dad, 1998

my husband, Afghanistan, 2002

My husband, Afghanistan, 2002

my husband and me, 2003

my husband and me, 2003

Gregg and Scott, 2007

my husband and oldest son, 2007

my children, 2008

My sister-in-law and my father-in-law during her promotion to COL (O-6) 2011

My husband teaching my sons the parachute landing fall (PLF) 2012

The valor and sacrifice of all Veterans can never be honored enough. I am so very proud of every one of you, and I pray daily for those of you currently serving. I hope you will accept my humble thanks.

Happy Veterans’ Day.

Hallee


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30 Days of Thankfulness Day 5

I often post a list of all the things for which I’m thankful on Thanksgiving.  But, in an effort to get back into the habit of daily blogging, I’ve decided to do a post a day for the month of November.

5. Johnathan (Jeb)

jeb

The next three posts are my three children.  I am not posting them in any order other than oldest first.

At 5, Jeb is our absolute joy.  I don’t say that to take anything away from our other children, but Jeb is just…joy.  He is highly emotional and has a happy nature, which means he is almost always just bubbling over with happiness.  A friend at church says often that she wishes she could capture his laugh and just have it throughout her day.

He is ALL boy — superheroes, guns, swords, cars, dirt, dogs — he is everything good that little boys are made of. He prefers running to walking, and prefers running with a sword over all.

He already has a heart for God.  He goes around the house signing worship songs, he is the first to volunteer to pray, he is a master at remembering Bible verses, and he LOVES going to church. Topics of faith are extremely interesting to him, and he’ll ask questions until you don’t know the answers anymore.

All he desires is to please – and to be praised.  I’ve never seen a child so encouraged by words of affirmation like Jeb. He is also extremely social and has several “best friends” already. He reads on about a 2nd grade level, and can do a lot of simple math in his head – which is a real challenge for his Kindergarten teacher. His recall ability is fascinating.

I am forever fascinated with this youngest child of mine.  I know God has amazing things planned for his future, and I pray every day that he stays open to the voice of the Holy Spirit in his life.

 

Hallee


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30 Days of Thankfulness Day 2

I often post a list of all the things for which I’m thankful on Thanksgiving.  But, in an effort to get back into the habit of daily blogging, I’ve decided to do a post a day for the month of November.

2. Gregg

gregg hallee cavern

Despite the fact that neither one of us were looking for a relationship when we met, within a day of meeting Gregg in person, he and I were talking about marriage. Forget the fact that I was recently separated from my husband of nearly 10 years, forget the fact that it was 3 short months after 9/11 and Gregg was in a Special Forces unit about to deploy, forget the fact that he lived 354 miles away from my house — we KNEW we would be married.

We absolutely, totally, and completely fell in love with each other at first sight.

When God said, ” It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him,” (Genesis 2:18) there are two Hebrew words that could have been used for “not good.”  One is ‘ên tôb, which means that something is lacking.  As in, this coffee is lacking cinnamon, or these mashed potatoes are lacking salt.  The other, the one that was used, is lõ’tôb, which means positively bad.  As in, it is positively bad that man is alone, so I will make for him a helper.

We are designed to want to be in a relationship with someone.  We are commanded by God to make that relationship monogamous, permanent, and, above all, a reflection of Christ’s relationship with us .

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,  that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.  Ephesians 5:25-27

What does that mean?

What it means is that Christ loves us so much that He died for us.  He stepped up, was beaten until He didn’t even resemble a man anymore, then nailed to a wooden cross until His lungs filled with fluid and suffocated Him.  And He did it because He LOVES us.

Husbands are supposed to love their wives that much.  God’s perfect model for marriage has husbands loving and adoring their wives to the point that they would step up and die for them.

Conversely, women are to love and respect their husbands.  To hold them in high esteem.  To give to them the kind of unconditional respect that rivals the unconditional love their husbands should have for them.  To love them tenderly, affectionately, and passionately.

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.   The heart of her husband safely trusts her;  so he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.  ~Proverbs 31:1-12

Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  The term “one” used here is the same term used in Deuteronomy 6:4 describing the holy trinity: “Hear O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one.” I think that is a powerful message from God that puts man and wife as one – one flesh, one in the eyes of God as much as the trinity of God is one.

When a husband loves his wife with the perfect, agape love of Christ, and when his wife gives him unconditional respect and a tender affectionate love in return, then you have a perfect model of a marriage as given to us by God.  Then you have the two becoming “one” – a powerful force with which to be reckoned.

I am daily thrilled and in awe of this man with whom I am “one”. Every single day, our love and respect grows. I get excited to see him at the end of the day.  I love working with him on my books or on projects.  I *LOVE* being the mother of his children and parenting our three children together.  I get excited on date nights like a teen girl being asked out by her crush.  I am so thankful, daily to God, for bringing us together and for both of us being open to the voice of the Holy Spirit that told us, “This is your *one*.”

 

Hallee


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Dear Hallee: Real Food & Visiting Family

dear hallee notebookDear Hallee:
I have really been trying to feed my family better. We’ve recently switched to mainly organic foods, when we can afford them. My question comes in an upcoming trip to visit family. We’ll be there around 3 nights and they don’t really eat the way we do. When you travel, how do you eat? Do you just eat what the host fixes, regardless of what’s in it? Do you take food and possibly offend the host? I’m stuck in the fact that I really don’t want to mess up our newly established eating habits, but I also don’t want to offend anybody either. Signed, Traveling Mama

Dear Traveling Mama:

We eat what is offered in hospitality, without exception. If something is offered that doesn’t fit the Levitcal Diet (pork, etc.) and we can avoid eating it without appearing rude, we avoid it (and sometimes that’s not always possible).  But otherwise, we bless the food with a thankful heart.

My kids love eating at my mom’s house. They get Apple Jacks, those gummy fruit snacks, and doughnut holes.  But my mom also buys them beef hot dogs and turkey bacon because she loves us and respects our desire to follow a Biblical diet.  Fresh fruit is in abundance, good yogurt in the fridge, and whole wheat bread is a standard there.

ThanksgivingFeastLong ago, when I was married to Kaylee’s dad, we lived in the same town as his entire, extended, real-food eating family. We didn’t eat that way. But, I was a good cook with my “SAD” (standard American diet) diet and was proud of my culinary skills (think of the woman who does the show “Semi Homemade”). The last year we were married, it was my turn to host Thanksgiving. They all called and asked if they could bring anything, and I told them I would do the cooking and they didn’t need to bring anything.

I cooked all day – turkey, stuffing (Stove Top), two kinds of potatoes, gravy (homemade), breads (probably refrigerated dough, if I remember correctly), pies, cakes, veggies. I had a big beautiful spread laid out.

They ALL showed up with their own food (including a turkey) and my food was barely touched. I was humiliated and left to feel unaccomplished, less-than, and unworthy.

I wouldn’t ever bring my own food to a host’s home — even family.  Ever.  Unless the hostess asks me to bring something.  Never.

 

Hallee


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Celebration of Life

remembering ollieMy grandma Olive was an amazing woman.  She was a Master Gardner and owned and operated “The Garden Patch” — a fruit stand and nursery — for decades in the Cascade Mountains of Washington.

She passed away in December, but due to weather and such in the mountains, the family decided instead of an immediate funeral, to have a “celebration of life” around her birthday.

That is where I am this weekend.  I’m traveling today, and will be completely unplugged until probably Sunday or Monday when I head from Washington to Oregon to visit my other grandma.  Gregg is home, though, and is monitoring email and blog stuff for me.

 

Hallee


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scott head injury

Pinkalicious, Head Injuries, Romance Writers & Teen Drivers

This week has gone by SO FAST.  I cannot believe that a week ago, I was preparing breakfast for the crew who came to my daughter Kaylee’s Sweet 16 party.

Where did my week go? Why no blog posts?

PinkaliciousWEBTuesday, I went with Scott’s Kindergarten class to see a theatrical rendition of the popular children’s book, Pinkalicious.  Scott and Jeb enjoyed themselves tremendously.

Wednesday was the only day I had this week to actually work on my next cookbook.  I am desperately trying to get it published this month.  I am making such amazing progress, but parties and children and homemaking are constantly interfering with my writing time (heh).

Wednesday night, Scott was running down the hallway at church and fell forward, landing with his entire body weight on his temple.  Gregg picked him up and he closed his eyes while Gregg held him.  Because he has some pretty intense sensory issues, we thought he was just hurting from the fall and drowning out the loud gymnasium where we were standing and talking to friends.  But, he fell asleep on the way home (a 5-minute ride), was groggy while Gregg was putting his PJ’s on him, and fell asleep as I carried him to bed.  We weren’t concerned, because his pupils were not dilated.  Apparently, that is not ALWAYS an indication of something wrong.

In the early hours of Thursday morning, Scott woke me and told me Jeb was coughing — he was actually having a croup fit.  It took me about 45 minutes to get him clear (steamy bathroom, 25 degrees cold air outside, steamy bathroom, finally cleared him up.)  Since he does not have school Thursdays, I wanted to let him sleep Friday morning, so I woke Scott and carried him downstairs to get him ready for school.  When I stood him up, he swayed and gripped his head and said his brain hurt.  Then he threw up.

scott head injury

His pediatrician looked at him and did not like the way he acted or looked, so he sent us to the ER for a CT scan.  About 5 minutes after I got there (our doctor had called ahead and the staff immediately triaged him and put us in a room), Gregg arrived from his office, and about 5 minutes later, our pastor arrived.  He anointed Scott with oil and prayed over him.  (I love our pastor.)  Scott was a trooper during the CT scan, even though he was scared.  The results were clear – no bleeding on the brain — but he definitely has a concussion.

Gregg and I had a writers’ dinner Thursday night, but we canceled our babysitter and he sent me on without him.  I enjoyed a nice dinner with my writing friends, and came home to the report that he’d had to keep Scott from jumping off of the back of the couch — already the lethargicness was fading and his energy was returning.  Which will be a lot of fun this weekend since we’re supposed to be keeping him quiet.

Authors Dinner at Merrick Inn with Liliana Hart, Cherie Marks, Katherine Lowry Logan, Hallee Bridgeman, Kathleen Brooks & husband Chris Counts, and Donna Jane McDonald. Liliana is in town to present a workshop on self-publishing at the Kentucky Romance Writers Spring into Writing annual conference this Saturday at The Hyatt Place.

Authors Dinner at Merrick Inn with Liliana Hart, Cherie Marks, Katherine Lowry Logan, Hallee Bridgeman, Kathleen Brooks & husband Chris Counts, and Donna Jane McDonald. Liliana is in town to present a workshop on self-publishing at the Kentucky Romance Writers Spring into Writing annual conference this Saturday at The Hyatt Place.

And, that brings us to this morning.  A Friday that my children are off from school. Scott woke up and said his head doesn’t hurt anymore.  Kaylee is headed to the DMV to get her driver’s permit.  I have a writers’ workshop this weekend with the Kentucky Romance Writers that will continue from last night, and I haven’t done a thing on this blog since Monday.

How was your week?  Any exciting plans for the weekend?

 

Hallee


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