I was in this young ladies shoes 18 years ago so I can certainly feel her feelings!
Now as a parent, how would I react? I would strongly encourage her & Joe to fervantly seek God’s will and promise to be praying right along with them. If they truly feel God’s direction then I would whole heartedly support them.
I did give up college and get married. It was the best decision I could have made simply because it was God’s will. I felt God’s call on my life to be a wife and mother around 13 years of age so I knew I was right where I was suppose to be and God has abundantly blessed me with His faithfulness!

I would definitely support her in her decision wholeheartedly. Then I would breathe a sigh of relieve and say a prayer of thanksgiving that she didn’t continue on in debt, etc, when she had no desire to be there.

When our daughter was young we never pushed nor detracted from getting a college education. We wanted her to follow God’s calling on her life. (Neither of us are college educated.) We were surprised when she decided to go to college, then transferred to nursing school after the first semester – even moreso when she married two years later. She will finish school in May with a husband and almost one-year-old attending the graduation. (He will finish his major in a year and a half.) Though those were not MY plans for her, they are the plans God had for her. It’s hard as parents to step back and let our adult children make their own decisions. We want to protect them and control the situation as we did when they were our babies. God quickly taught me that I am not in control, never have been, never will be and I’m thankful for that! They learn from their own experiences and mistakes. If we’re there to try and prevent those mistakes from happening, then we can be interfering in God’s plans for their growth.

Sorry to rattle on, but wanted to share a little of what I’ve learned in this ongoing march of motherhood.

So I answered last week’s poll with the idea that maybe you should push your friend to consider college but really, since she’s your friend you should respect her choices. With a DAUGHTER it is entirely different. In general, I don’t like passing judgment on people’s life choices (even when asked), but I would have no scruples having a frank conversation with my child about her options. Getting a BA is crucial for ever getting a job and if Joe (who sounds lovely) really loves her, he’ll push her to finish school.
Plus, while I never say never, this scenario doesn’t seem likely to happen to me and my husband. We were both raised in households that were incredibly supportive of college (I grew up listening to stories of how much my parents loved the experience) and we were strongly encouraged to succeed academically. What did God give us brains for, if not to inquire into the mysteries of the world around us? I can’t imagine raising a daughter who would hate learning and have so little care for her financial/professional future as to want to drop out of college. However, if this did happen, my husband and I would strongly encourage (if not try to impel) her to finish. College is of course hard sometimes, but that’s one of the things that makes it so incredibly worth while.

Insist upon her finishing her education. Marry Joe if she must (try to get her to delay a year at least). Get her in contact with someone like me, who married a man with all my family’s values, had a great job, on the dean’s list, etc–appeared to be the perfect man–but yet after 13 years of marriage, ran off with his analyst. Explain to her that being a homemaker, wife and mother are all very important but she cannot possibly anticipate what the world will hand her. No one can ever take away her education and her degree. Two years is nothing to finish what she has started (her degree) and buy herself insurance against her husband’s possible illness, infidelity, or death. INSIST! Then love her no matter what decision she makes.

I think I would likely keep the same reply from last week.

If I was certain that my daughter was confident in her choice, I would support her. I likely would broach many topics of how hard life can be and give her plenty of examples, but in the end, it would always be her choice (as it was mine back in 1989).

Let’s face it…life is uncertain and there are no guarantees in anything. Being happy and fulfilled is the ultimate goal. I am a firm believer in God providing what we need, when we need it and it has been a theme repeated over and over in my own life so I cannot help, but believe. :)

If she were to finish her AA/ AS, I’d be okay with it, honestly. I’d suggest she consider earning her BA/BS in the event of Joe getting injurred, or dying or somehow being unable to provide for the family, forcing her into the workforce. A BA/BS would make it easier for her to get a good job, but an AA/ AS would still be a degree and open her to more job oportunities (if she needs them).

This is a much different situation than the sitation last week. The growth between 18 and 20 is HUGE. At 20, I’d feel more confident in her decision making.

If I could afford to pay for her to complete the remaining 2 years of school, I would. I really do place an enormous amount of value on a college education. I think that even if all of her hopes and dreams come true (marry Joe, raise children, etc.) that there is value in her having a college education as a foundation for her role as a wife and mother.

That being said, if I couldn’t afford to pay for the remainder of her school, I would support her decision. I think that at age 20 she is an adult who is making an informed decision. (The rational argument about the wastefullness of accruining additional debt for an education she doesn’t want is logical enough for me to give her credit for having thought this through somewhat.) I would, however, first have a discussion with her about the fact that she is free to marry Joe while still obtaining a degree. If she was unwilling to do that, I would suggest that she complete whatever units necessary to convert her two years of schooling into an Associate’s Degree (so she has something to show for the time put in).

I would strongly encourage her to complete her degree. She will learn so much about life and about herself by finishing college. It will make her a better wife and mother. I don’t know what kind of degree she is working on, but a degree in education, health, nutrition, finance, etc, would be a tremendous asset to her future family, even if she never has to use it in ‘the real world’. As others have pointed out, there are any number of unfortunate situations that might force her into the job market, and that would be a bad time to find out how crucial a college degree is to finding a good job. Two years might seem like a long time, but it’s really not. There is no reason they can’t get engaged and start planning the wedding now, so that when she graduates, they will be ready to start their life together. I hope this helps.

I’d want to know why she and Joe are in such a rush to get married. 20 is still terribly young, in my opinion. I’d also want to know if she had prayed about and what she felt the Lord was calling her to do. I would be ok with her not wanting to finish school if she didn’t feel led to. I’d encourage to travel the world, possibly do some missions work. I feel like those early 20’s are such a time of discovering who you are and what/who you want to be. If she really felt that God was calling her to marry Joe right away, then I’d have to respect that. I would want to know how they’d plan to support themselves and any children they might have. I’d want her and Joe to attend premarital counseling with their pastor. And I’d also expect Joe to come to us and ask for our blessing.

I did not feel the “call” to be a wife and mother at an early age, so in all honesty, I have not been in this young woman’s shoes. At age 20, I would encourage my daughter to EARNESTLY seek God’s will. I would encourage finishing college, as one should finish what they start and after all, life is uncertain. But would respect her choice if she truly felt God was calling her on another path.
I do not believe one adult can dictate to another what God’s will for their life is. Parents are not infallible…and children are not perfect. But God will always care for His own.

Again, looking back, I wish I had done that. I honestly can say I have no interest in what I majored in, and it bothers me. I’m paying back on loans for an education I wish I hadn’t done. I’d pray with her and see where we were led from there.

My reaction is Hallelujah! She has been blessed with the opportunity to follow God’s will for godly women at such a young age. She has the opportunity to stand beside a godly man and be his helpmeet, raise up children unto God, and bless countless generations to come, by nurturing, healing, educating, and loving a family. She has the opportunity to grow up, grow wise, and grow old with a man with whom she shares mutual love. I would not fear for her choice of men, because I would have been preparing her to make a wise choice from the time that I first held her in my arms. She will have learned to discriminate among suitors and to participate in the making of wise choices throughout her married life, while being prepared in our home for this very step. I would advise her to undergo some sort of vocational training for a job that is flexible and family friendly, in case something should happen to her husband, unless they can afford enough life and disability insurance to support an entire family from the day after her wedding and for the remainder of her life. Although, this would not actually have been necessary, because if she were my daughter, she would have already accomplished this by her 18th birthday. I would say thanks be to God for this wonderful blessing.

I think I would pray with her and for her. I’d spend some time talking with her and my husband. Although I would be perfectly content if she grows up to be a homemaker, and not an employee, I will help her see it is much easier to complete a college degree before having family responsibilities and distractions. There may be a time in her life where she will want or need a job and having that degree will make her more marketable. If she truly feels it is God’s will for her to get married at that point, I would be supportive. I would be proud of her for being in tune enough with God to learn what His will was.

I would encourage my daughter to stick with it. If she has gotten through two years, she knows how the system works and has shown that she can do what’s necessary even if she doesn’t love it. She’s in the routine now and it would be easier to continue than to start again later. I would wonder why none of the subjects were catching her interest.
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If they were sure they wanted to get married it wouldn’t bother me that much as long as Joe did not have a problem with finishing his degree on schedule. If they got married I would be willing to help out to keep her in school rather than have her working at a fast food place. Maybe something could be worked out between our family and Joe’s family to keep up whatever support they had been getting.
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If they did get married, I would hope they would wait until at least Joe had his degree before they started having kids. I would hope they would wait until they both had degrees. For the reasons I posted in the first survey I think they should live together for a while as a couple before they started a family.
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Even if they did decide not to wait, it would still be maybe a year before there was a baby, and I would hope my daughter would keep taking classes during that time. I think that would be a more useful thing to do than working at a low paying job if they could afford it.
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If she wanted just to stay at home and be a homemaker, I would worry. My guess is that if Joe had been living at home with his mother’s homemaking he might not appreciate what his wife did but would take it for granted. If she had fantasies about life as a homemaker, as the wife of a busy 20-yr old man, I think she might be disappointed with his response. If he had been living in the dorm or on his own, he might already have his own housekeeping routines in place. And he might not be senstiive to special efforts that she made. (The way some young college man keep their dorm rooms and apartments makes me think that they would be oblivious to the kinds of things a young woman might take pride in if she were into the idea of homemaking as a career.) I suppose she could do volunteer work to keep occupied.
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If she is worried about debt, I would hope she had already figured out what classes she would need to get an associate degree from the community college, and I hope she would have figured out what types of classes were needed at the nearest four year college, and what community college credits were transferable to that college. If she really did not want to keep taking classes full time I would suggest that she keep taking one class at a time. She could be a non-degree student at a four year college and take classes one at a time, or maybe take an online class from the college. Even if she took no classes for a while, her credits would probably be usable for some length of time at the four-year college, and she could find that out. If she needed some types of credits she might be able to get them by taking a CLEP test. So even if she decided not to take a full class load she could keep working on the degree, even after she had a baby, at a pace that might not bother her as much. And maybe if she took one class at a time she would pay for each class as she took it.

Everyone keeps saying all these what ifs.. about Joe getting injured and so on. But one important thing I think that is being missed is that if she is truly praying and asking God for his wisdom he will show her and If he wants her to drop out of college he will surely take care of her! Yes what ifs might happen but obeying God is the most important. So the issue really isn’t wether its right or wrong for a person it’s Are they truly seeking God’s wisdom and then are they actually obeying it!

Have a stroke. Seriously.
At 19 I thought I was in love. Fortunately in my house, dropping out of college and getting married was absolutely not an option and not worth bringing up. If my daughter truly doesn’t want to continue in college, I would suggest a year of traveling, volunteering, Americorps, working, or some other profitable pursuit other than marriage. 19 is simply too young, and dropping out of college is never, ever a good idea.
I did not get married until I was 28, and not to my college love, either(I actually married the brother of the girl who was my college roommate when I was 19 though he and I did not meet until I was 27). At that point I had three degrees and a solid career under my belt, as did he. We have never had financial concerns and were able to purchase nice house with a good down payent, pay for our vehicles, had health insurance, and I was far enough along in my career to be able to be flexible when my son was born 14 months after our wedding. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage, and daily we are watching our friends and relatives–“Christian” couples who grew up homeschooled and courted and did not pursue college but married young and struggled financially–divorce. We’ve watched several couples our age in the last few months divorce, people you never thought would since they had done everything “right.” And where are those women now? Struggling emotionally and financially since this was not something that had ever expected. We suspect that they were far too young to get married, had not had a change to know who they were or what they wanted and needed in a life partner, and struggled so much financially that it created a lot of burdens and stress on an already shaky marriage.
Our daughters, if we have any, will be highly encourged to pursue college or a vocation, and delay marriage until they are emotionally and financially ready.