The Power of a Praying Wife: Chapter 5 – His Affection
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Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:3
Dictionary.com defines affection as: “Fond attachment, devotion, or love.” In the second set of definitions, it says, “See synonyms of love.”
While I feel strong feelings of love and devotion to my husband, to whom I am certainly emotionally attached, I am not an overly affectionate person. I think there was a time when I once was, when I was younger, but circumstances and situations can strip tendencies away. Over time, I’ve become very stoic about most things. I am not overly emotional ever, I don’t react emotionally, and I’m not really a reach out and hug kind of person.
Simply put, though, my husband just is. He is extremely affectionate. He verbally affirms and praises and compliments. He hugs and kisses and touches. He sees a thing in the store and thinks of a friend and buys it.
We read The 5 Love Languages a couple of years ago and discovered that the way that he receives love is through physical touch. We discovered a HUGE hole in our marriage that needed to be filled. I hand to retrain my mind from this natural recoiling I felt about reaching out and teach myself to constantly put my hand out there, whether it was to grab his hand or stroke his shoulder or reach over the back of his chair and give him a hug. I am less better about verbally giving affection, but over the course of 2 years of almost constant distance and a relationship that is almost entirely email and telephone, I’ve started getting better at it.
[As an aside, I would highly recommend this book for any married couple. You may be surprised as to how your husband speaks love, and you may also discover that you two aren’t speaking the same language and are therefore not feeling each others’ love.]
As for me, when I took the test at the back of the book, I could not find my love language. The problem was that Gregg is so comprehensive in his dishing out of affection that there was nothing missing in my life. We’ve joked about him withholding each language trait for an amount of time until we discover an area where I really feel. I always joke back about how he just needs to keep doing what he’s doing because I’m feeling the love.
I found some assessment tests that match the 5 love Languages book:
If you haven’t already done so, read chapter 5 and consider the following discussion questions. The comments are turned off for this chapter, and the discussions will take place at the forum, Hallee’s Daily Brew, by following this link.
1. If you read my commentary for the previous chapter you will see the lists from the book The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women. The top three for women are: affirmation, connection, non-sexual touch. I think that if you were to ball those three things up, what you would have would be affection. Do you feel your husband is affectionate enough toward you? Does your husband think that you are affectionate enough toward him?
2. Take the Love Languages Test linked above. Ask your husband to take it as well. What language does your husband ‘speak’? What language to d you’ speak’? Have you been good at speaking each others’ languages?
3. Consider your home and your children. Do you feel you and your husband have modeled a marriage filled with affection? How do you think your model will affect them in their marriages?
4. I cam into my marriage with my stoicism and withholding of affection. My marriage and life before kind of secured that for me. Have you or your husband taken one another for granted in any way that has eroded your tendency to be affectionate toward one another? Has one of you assumed incorrectly that the other doesn’t need affection?
5. Is there some act of affection you could show toward your husband today that would pleasantly surprise and bless him? What is that? If you can’t think of anything, ask God to help you. Are you willing to do that? How did it work out for you?
Pray the prayer on page 72 out loud. Include specifics related to you and your husband’s relationship.
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