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Affirmation

Posted by Hallee on Sep 13, 2011 in Life, Marriage |

Hi.  I’m Hallee.  And I’m about to get a little bit personal.

Last week, I was certain I was pregnant.

I spent the entire week with an on again off again nausea.  My breasts HURT.  I had aching cramps.  My “take a pregnancy test” day was Friday.  By Wednesday, Gregg and I were joking about Kimbrel wanting attention (Kimbrel Olivia was the name Jeb would have been were he a girl.)  By Thursday morning I “knew” I was pregnant.  By Thursday afternoon, I knew I wasn’t pregnant.  I didn’t have to take a test on Friday morning.  However, about 11PM Thursday night, Scott started throwing up with a stomach flu.  Friday morning, Jeb was sick.  Monday morning, Gregg was sick.  So, obviously my nausea was not parasitically motivated but was instead something viral.

I’ve talked before about my difficult pregnancies and the physical problems I’ve had with staying pregnant.  I’ve also mentioned in my testimony that Gregg and I had a really rough patch in our marriage.  Johnathan was about four months old when our problems really manifested.

Right around that time, Gregg decided to get a vasectomy.  We had discussed it months before, while I was still pregnant, but we hadn’t approached the subject in some time.  He had been gone on military duty for a couple of weeks and was home on a Friday morning.  He was on his way to six months in Ft. Gordon, Georgia, the following Monday, and called the doctor to see if he could work him into his Friday morning schedule.

We were in a really bad spot that day.  I don’t think we were speaking, but maybe he told me he was going to get the procedure, and maybe I said, “Whatever,” in response. I do remember being really resentful of the fact that at this horrible, terrible moment in our marriage, he became a patient that required attention from me.

Obviously, this wasn’t necessarily a loving and prayerful decision made together. And, we haven’t ever really discussed the total finality and ramifications of it since then.  There hasn’t really been much of a need to discuss it.

Fast forward back to last week.  When we knew no “Kimbrel” was in the works, Gregg asked me how I felt about that.

I pondered it and said, “Relieved.”

I f Gregg and I had met and married when we were young, chances are good we’d have a dozen children by now.  We both have always dreamed of a big family.  As it is, he turns 44 in December, and I turn 40 in 6 months.  The last two of my eight pregnancies nearly killed me.  I’ve had two c-sections and would require a c-section to give birth.  Being pregnant would just not be for me.

So, I said, “Relived.  I think our family is perfect and I have no longing in my heart to have another baby.”

Gregg concurred that our family is complete.  It felt good to have affirmation

Hallee


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