Affirmation
Hi. I’m Hallee. And I’m about to get a little bit personal.
Last week, I was certain I was pregnant.
I spent the entire week with an on again off again nausea. My breasts HURT. I had aching cramps. My “take a pregnancy test” day was Friday. By Wednesday, Gregg and I were joking about Kimbrel wanting attention (Kimbrel Olivia was the name Jeb would have been were he a girl.) By Thursday morning I “knew” I was pregnant. By Thursday afternoon, I knew I wasn’t pregnant. I didn’t have to take a test on Friday morning. However, about 11PM Thursday night, Scott started throwing up with a stomach flu. Friday morning, Jeb was sick. Monday morning, Gregg was sick. So, obviously my nausea was not parasitically motivated but was instead something viral.
I’ve talked before about my difficult pregnancies and the physical problems I’ve had with staying pregnant. I’ve also mentioned in my testimony that Gregg and I had a really rough patch in our marriage. Johnathan was about four months old when our problems really manifested.
Right around that time, Gregg decided to get a vasectomy. We had discussed it months before, while I was still pregnant, but we hadn’t approached the subject in some time. He had been gone on military duty for a couple of weeks and was home on a Friday morning. He was on his way to six months in Ft. Gordon, Georgia, the following Monday, and called the doctor to see if he could work him into his Friday morning schedule.
We were in a really bad spot that day. I don’t think we were speaking, but maybe he told me he was going to get the procedure, and maybe I said, “Whatever,” in response. I do remember being really resentful of the fact that at this horrible, terrible moment in our marriage, he became a patient that required attention from me.
Obviously, this wasn’t necessarily a loving and prayerful decision made together. And, we haven’t ever really discussed the total finality and ramifications of it since then. There hasn’t really been much of a need to discuss it.
Fast forward back to last week. When we knew no “Kimbrel” was in the works, Gregg asked me how I felt about that.
I pondered it and said, “Relieved.”
I f Gregg and I had met and married when we were young, chances are good we’d have a dozen children by now. We both have always dreamed of a big family. As it is, he turns 44 in December, and I turn 40 in 6 months. The last two of my eight pregnancies nearly killed me. I’ve had two c-sections and would require a c-section to give birth. Being pregnant would just not be for me.
So, I said, “Relived. I think our family is perfect and I have no longing in my heart to have another baby.”
Gregg concurred that our family is complete. It felt good to have affirmation
Hallee
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You two would make awesome foster parents. You both have so much to share and there truly are many children that need that love. I hope someday the two of you will explore that possibility someday.
I know how you feel. After Emma was born there were a couple of “what if’s” and instead of being sad, I was relieved. Being on the same page with your hubby is a wonderful place to be. <3
I can’t wait to have that affirmation. We are pretty sure we are done…but not positive. Sometimes the in between-ness just kills me.
This has been heavy on my heart since I read it, Hallee.
I know that you are a very God-centered woman, and that your family strives to trust in Him.
This seems to me like a place where you are unwilling to trust God.
I pray that you would take some time to consider the Catholic teaching on sterilization and the role of shared fertility in your sacramental marriage. Not so very long ago, the Catholic teaching was the world’s Christian teaching – but sadly the world has changed the professions of other Christian faiths, and protestants do not proclaim the inherant goodness of fertility any longer.
Here are a few resources you might consider:
http://www.catholic.com/library/Birth_Control.asp
http://www.onemoresoul.com
Blessings.
Kara — that was probably my fault. Many years ago we heard a pro-death person refer to a pregnant woman as being “parasitically oppressed.” It is in my nature to use hyperbole to argue with stupidity that goes to that extent — referring to an unborn human being as a parasite for example — and I do it fully tongue in cheek. So, often I will mock those on the other side of the aisle by referring to pregnancy as parasitical oppression. Hallee and I, of course, do not believe that the wholesale murdering of infants that is sanctioned by our government should be seen as anything other than the genocide that it is.
.
The problem with this media is that you could not hear the tone in those written words and I sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding.
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God Bless,
Gregg
I think the very fact that we had Jeb despite the problems with Scott point to our trust in God. That said, were we where we are right now in our spiritual walk then, who knows if we would have been invasive in preventing pregnancy or simply been careful when we needed to take care. It’s hard to say.
I do, however, love your knowledge on the subject, and if you ever wanted to share your knowledge with my readers, I would be happy to open my blog up to you for a series on it.
Hallee
Kara, I love you and sincerely apologize for offending you. I was only teasing Gregg. You know that there are few more staunchly and unbendingly pro-life than I.
Hallee
Hallee, you know I love you and your blog, but “parasitically motivated” is the kind of speech that truly hurts the pro-life movement. Language is very important for society to realize the personhood of an unborn child. I’m sorry for a negative comment, but that was severely offensive. I can’t imagine ever calling and unborn child (existant or hypothetical) a parasite.
Thanks Gregg. I totally understand that, now that I’m “filled in”, so to speak. :) I love everything about what you just posted and I 100% agree.
Thank you Hallee. You know I love you and this blog. I’m just very, very touchy when it comes to this stuff and I was a little shocked when I read it here. I KNOW you’re pro-life and I wasn’t questioning that at all. I just wanted to point out the importance of language, but I completely understand it this way. Kyle and I speak to each other in a completely sarcastic tone like this all the time, so I get it.
Loves and hugs :)
Beautiful post Camille. I would’ve said something similar, but I was hung up on something else, and I’m sure it wouldn’t have come out that well.
I always thought that I wanted two kids. Then when we were trying for our first, I knew I wanted three. Then, I had my second, and thought I would want three biological children, and I would LOVE to adopt another. (still not pregnant with my third, btw) It helps that my pregnancies are a breeze and I feel like the energizer bunny the whole time.
My husband is just fine with two, but is happy to have three. I don’t think he would ever go for four. He wants to make sure that we have a life after children (before we are waaayyyyyy old) and so his practical side shows through. I would love to have more (four), but money is definitely a concern since the economy is in the tank and food prices are so high. Add to that that I am now super duper into organic, unprocessed food which takes lots of money and lots of time.
I guess all that to say I hope I too feel like our family is complete after a third child. And I hope that I can budget our food choices better too. HA! (Tips please???)
Congrats to you for having your perfect family.
i wish i had that affirmation…my last pregnancy and c/s were DREADFUL! but i also don’t feel that our family is complete…I keep praying and hoping for that affirmation but still after 2.5 years I don’t have it. I also know we aren’t in a financial situation yet…to handle it!
we have been blessed in the ways of my husband still has a job and we were able to move and get out of the mess we were in, at least now we can float above water without to much work!