Ninety-five percent of women will have sex before they’re married.  It doesn’t matter if they’re Christians devoted to purity or not.  It means that if you had a church ladies’ group of one hundred women, only five of them were virgins on their wedding nights.

In continuing our discussion of Vicki Courtney’s 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we close out the conversation number 3 “Sex is Great and Worth the Wait” as we cover Chapter 11, “A Reality Check for Christian Parents;” Chapter 12, “A New and Improved Sex Talk,” and Chapter 13, “Additional Conversations.”

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A few weeks ago, in “Boy, Oh Boys!” I talked about the sex education class my daughter received in her public school.

I mentioned that the class was co-ed and involved her viewing photos of diseased genitals and instructions how to use a condom – all while sitting in a room full of boys whose systems were already flooded with hormones that will make them think of sex and nothing but sex for the next few years of their lives.

A commenter on that post said, “Actually, I think it’s good she learned about contraception. Sounds like she wasn’t going to learn about it from you.”

There are a few more things I can do for my daughter that don’t involve me showing her how to put a condom on a banana in a room full of boys.

1. I can educate her. I can go beyond, “Don’t have sex!” That doesn’t do anyone any good. I am not only teaching abstinence only, I’m teaching that condoms are a false confidence, that birth control pills are terrible for the body, that other contraceptive measures do not protect. I’m not just saying, “Don’t have premarital sex,” I’m educating my daughter all of the reasons WHY it’s dangerous to have premarital sex and why God, who loves us and doesn’t want to see us come to harm, is telling us not to have it. I am also teaching her how beautiful and wonderful sex is within the confines of marriage. How it is a gift from God to husbands and wives.

2. I can parent her. I can control her movements and her time. I can refuse to allow periods of unsupervised time with boys. I can check up on her, follow up with her, keep tabs on her comings and goings. I can set boundaries and refuse to trust her ability to control her own hormones when it comes to being placed in a situation that may get out of control. I can teach her how to extract herself from those situations and how to be confident and proud of her chastity. She will be much older than her short 14 years before she is allowed to date, and her dates will be pre-approved by us prior to her going on them.

3. I can keep the lines of communication open between us. I can maintain the trust that exists between us today. I can be a person in whom she feels safe confiding, a person to whom she turns for advice. I can spend time with her, talk to her, listen to her, have fun with her.

4. I can counter the culture’s message, protect her from as much of the message as possible, and give her the message from God as a weapon in this battle for what could be her very life.

5. I can encourage her to be one of the five percent. But if that ends up not being the case, I can make sure she understands that there is forgiveness in Christ and redemption for sin. And that we love her, without question and without exception.

I encourage you to read the information provided in chapter 13 – the “do’s and don’ts” of talking to your child candidly about sex, and age-appropriate conversations. It may give you good insight and a catalyst for starting your own conversations.

Hallee

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