Seeds of Faith: Boy, Oh Boys!
This past week, in public school, my 8th grade daughter learned how to properly put a condom onto a partner and was given instructions on how to choose a good brand. Did I mention that this was done in a co-ed class environment?
In continuing my discussion of Vicki Courtney’s 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we enter into Chapter 7, “Boy, Oh Boys!”
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Modern American dating is no more than glorified divorce practice. Young people are learning how to give themselves away in exclusive, romantic, highly committed (at times sexual) relationships, only to break up and do it all over again. God never intended for His kids to live like this. And instead of stepping in and doing something, many Christian parents simply view these types of relationships as a normal and necessary part of growing up. Unless your child is wiser than Solomon, stronger than Samson and more godly than David (all of whom sinned sexually), they are susceptible to sexual sin, and these premature relationships serve as open invitations.
You might think that your daughter is too young to start talking about boys, sex, expectations, limitations, etc., but let me assure you – no one else is going to be stopped by her age. My son watched Disney Pixar’s Cars, and I was appalled at the level of sexual play between the male protagonist and the female protagonist. They’re getting indoctrinated, if I may be so paranoid, earlier than we may realize.
My daughter and I have had innumerable conversations on the subjects of boys and sex, and they have gotten deeper, longer, and more explicit as she’s gotten older. Thankfully, she has never had a boyfriend, but her friends have. One friend her age had a boyfriend for 9 months whom she broke up with because he had become too controlling. If that doesn’t scare you and make you take a step back, consider this statistic: 41% of girls, ages 14-17, report having had unwanted sex. The fact that 41% of girls in that age range would even be placed in a sexual situation is horrifying enough, but to think that that number is only the ones who have had unwanted sex, you may start getting a picture of just how staggering this problem is.
My husband and I have been reading a lot of books by Christian authors pertaining to raising girls. As Kaylee ends middle school and approaches high school, we want as much ammunition in our belts as possible. As we finished discussing a sermon on sexuality we heard, my husband, Gregg, said to me, “We must really stress to Kaylee how important it is to her that she maintains her virginity until marriage. We need to stress that it is actually a rule we have, a boundary she cannot cross, because so many parents never say so.”
She understands it right now, as well as she can understand it. But she isn’t dating yet, and hasn’t been placed in any situation that may or may not compromise that.
If you’ve never taken the time to approach the subject, if you think your daughter is too young, if you’ve been worried about how to really do it — please take some time this week and talk to your daughter. Just begin, with baby steps, so that she grows up knowing that there are expectations, limitations, rules, and, most importantly, an open forum with her parents.
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