The 5 Best Kept Christian Secrets to the Best Sex Ever: Introduction
Caution: This post consists of a rather frank and forthright discussion of human sexuality in the context of marital intimacy.
Introduction
You have probably heard it already. Christians have AMAZING sex lives.
I’m not talking about fake, shallow, movie star sex. Nor am I talking about the imaginary fantasy sex of your average romance novel. I am certainly not talking about the objectifying and demeaning and very often violent or forced sex found in pornographic material.
I am talking about AMAZING sex. I am talking about real, earth shattering, mind-blowing, toe-curling, heart racing, breath stealing, wake the neighbors, Katie-bar-the-door sex.
Those who aren’t followers of Christ often ask, “Why do Christians have such miraculous sex lives? What is their secret?” Actually, there are FIVE secrets. Since a number of my readers aren’t Christians, I thought it was just about time that one of us Christians shared the five best kept Christian secrets to the BEST SEX EVER with the world.
Ever wonder why Christians look so happy and contented and at peace with the world all the time? It isn’t a mystery. When Christians use these five methods, they have the BEST SEX EVER!
In the following tell-all series, I intend to share every single one of those sex secrets with you in pretty complete detail. All five. I can guarantee that if you make these sex secrets a part of your sex life, you and your spouse will have AMAZING sex.
Best of all, there is no fee for this information. Certified sex therapists, sexologists, or some other sex expert “sexpert” would likely charge hundreds of dollars per session and possibly never reveal all five of the secrets I intend to share. I am sure that the self-help YOU CAN DO IT YOU HAVE THE POWER WITHIN YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH SMART ENOUGH BIG ENOUGH secular humanist seminars never reveal the truth of these secrets. In fact, I can think of at least three well known personalities in our culture who are regarded as sex experts, or “sexperts,” who hand out the absolute OPPOSITE of what I am about to tell you in at least three out of the five categories, thus undermining any possibility that you may ever get to experience the BEST SEX EVER should you follow their plainly specious advice.
First of all, though, you really need to have some background. It is important that you understand the context. This post will mainly attempt to provide you with that context.
One of the main reasons that Christians have such amazing sex lives is because we realize and accept that we are created beings. This partly accounts for the fact that Christian book stores carry such groundbreaking titles as The Sexual Man, The Secrets of Eve, Crazy Good Sex, Turn Up the Heat, Sheet Music, Intended for Pleasure, The Language of Sex, and The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women. We believe that we aren’t here by simple happenstance luck of the draw chance or random accident. We know, rather, that we were designed by God. He designed our souls, our minds, and our bodies for His purpose. (Genesis 1:1-31)
Also, we believe that we are ALL sons and daughters of Adam and Eve. Christians do not buy into hateful racism such as that which Darwinists advocate as members of the “Favoured Races.” We see nothing at all wrong or even scandalous about so-called “interracial” relationships because there is simply no such thing. We were ALL created of one blood by our Creator, every tribe and every nation. We are all of the race of Adam. (Acts 17:26)
We believe that God created the earth to be inhabited. (Isaiah 45:18) What this means is that man is not a scourge in on this planet. Man was given stewardship of the earth and all living things here by the Being who created it (Gen. 1:26; Psalms 8:6). We believe that God blessed the first man and woman the moment they were introduced. Then, the very first commandment God issued to them as a couple was to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28).
Husbands are commanded by God to love their wives as they love their very own flesh. They are instructed to love their wives sacrificially, and to put a higher value on the lives of their wives than on their own lives. (Ephesians 5:25-31) Wives are instructed to reverence their husbands. (Ephesians 5:33) Wives are commanded to respect their own husbands — no other man, by the way, just their own husbands — and to respectfully submit to their husbands’ leadership. (Colossians 3:18)
As Christians, we understand our design through the revealed knowledge of scripture, and we respect and glorify each other as we fulfill our defined and designed roles, which glorifies our Creator. Having that context, when you study the Biblical view of human sexuality in marriage, it is clear that God modeled the marriage relationship to be the earthly model of the exact same kind of intimacy that He wants to have with us, His creations. (Romans 19:7-9)
In the larger sense, the primary tenet of our faith is that we believe that we are saved from our disobedient ways by God’s grace through faith alone. (Acts 15:11) We know that if we come to Christ, we shall be eternally fulfilled. (John 6:35) One aspect of that tenet is that we believe that God is in constant relationship, that God exists in a state of relationship in all of his triune aspects, and that we, His creations, can have a personal, intimate relationship with God through his Son, our redeemer, Jesus Christ and through the Holy Ghost who comforts our hearts and souls in this world. This is the primary reason, and the answer for the joy that lives in us.
Secular relationships are often much less about understanding and intimacy and much more about adversity and struggle or manipulation and betrayal. Secular relationships often involve a high degree of mistrust and disrespect. Attaining personal fulfillment is assigned a higher value than fulfilling the wants, needs, and desires of your lover. Ultimately, this is a self-centered and selfish relationship that glorifies only “self” and objectifies the person you are having sex with — in fact making an opponent of the person you are having sex with — instead of becoming “one flesh” with your spouse as described in scripture over and over and over again. (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5-6; Mark 10:8; 1 Corinthians 6:16; Ephesians 5:31).
One can never have a the BEST SEX EVER if one is not willing to be completely emotionally vulnerable, entirely spiritually open, and altogether honest and forthcoming about wants, needs, and desires. No fear, no pain, no regret, no second thoughts, no guilt. “One flesh.” This is the foundation of the true bond that involves absolutely no mistrust and absolutely no disrespect.
Very often, secular relationships lack any real emotional bond which means the BEST SEX EVER simply can never be obtained. In the Christian context, it can only be obtained when that emotional and spiritual bond exists in your marriage.
Maybe you aren’t a believer and you’re sitting back at this point saying, “This is a trick! You’re just preaching morality!”
Listen. Christian morality, and especially with regard to sexual morality, is actually very similar to what we used to call common sense morality. One does not really need to be a Christian to understand why certain sexual practices are, for lack of a more appropriate word, wrong. Christians differ from non-Christians not so much in the understanding of what is moral and immoral as in their commitment to trying to always do what is moral. Believe me. Christians still suffer from temptation and the desires of the flesh.
However, as Christians, we understand that when we do something wrong, we are not only violating good common sense, we are also violating God’s laws. In short, we are failing to be the loving and responsible person God created us to be in this life in order to fulfill His purpose for our life. (Acts 8:22) Thus, Christian perspectives on sex may not seem very much different from a common sense perspective about sex. Obviously, it’s easy to “forget” or simply deny the common sense wisdom about sex when faced with sexual temptation. This is commonly called rationalization. It is equally obvious that sexual temptation is freely available and only a few mouse clicks away.
The thing is, giving in to that brand of sexual temptation never, ever, ever results in the BEST SEX EVER. Is manipulating your spouse into doing something that he or she is uncomfortable doing going to result in the BEST SEX EVER? Get real. You are going to feel anxiety that your spouse will harbor resentment, and probably resentment will exist at some point. You are going to feel guilt at your manipulation which will detract from your experience. You are not going to trust the motives of your spouse if or when he or she requests something of you in return and you may feel resentment. And be honest — be honest. Sitting in front of a computer — alone — cannot possibly provide you with the BEST SEX EVER. If you are honest, you are going to have to agree with all of these points.
I truly believe that it is only by employing the five best kept Christian sex secrets — known to and employed by Christians for thousands of years — that you will be able to have the BEST SEX EVER. So, with this Biblical perspective of sexual intimacy in the context of marriage taken to heart, I hope that the upcoming series is helpful, enjoyable, educational, and, you know, sexy.
Hallee
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I cannot wait until next friday!!!! I am so proud of you Hallee. I am not sure if you are aware of the “doors” that are going to open because of this…I believe this has the potential to do mighty awesome things for the Kingdom!!!! love ya
Thank you, Melissa. The same fears still exist, but I’m posting anyway – haha. Love you!
Hallee
While I understand and respect that your fantastic sex life is that way because of you and Gregg’s faith in God and love for each other, I disagree with the premise that relationships between non-Christians are not open, honest, loving and united. I also disagree that secular spouses do not have fantastic sex lifes that involve giving and receiving without fear, shame, embarassment or motive.
You do not know that the love that you and Gregg share with each other and with God is not similar, or for that matter less than, the love a secular husband and wife share for each other. Why? Because you can only know what is in your heart. You can only know what your relationship with each other is. Most importantly, you can only know what your sex life is.
I’ll bow out of this discussion from here on out, because I consider you a friend and because I love to read your blog (even when I disagree). But, I can say with certainty that this is the first time I have found you to be truely righetous and it is not a tone I appreciate or admire. Share with the world the joyous sex life you have because of the love you share with your husband and God. But, leave the sex lives of others out of it, because you have no idea.
Respectfully,
Sara
I truly appreciate you responding. I’m sorry if that’s how you read my tone. That’s never, ever my intent or my heart.
Hi Sara,
Very sorry if any feelings were hurt or offense was taken but I feel your comment is a tad over the top. Righteous? Really.
Obviously, it’s a very personal topic. Simply put, though, it is impossible to draw generalized comparisons without making at least one broad generalization. Even in doing so, I would like to point out that Hallee was careful to say “very often” and not say “always” or “every” or “without exception” anywhere in there.
And, for the record, she described 100% of every single secular sexual relationship *I* have ever been involved in in my life, always, and without exception, and that IS from my heart. This is evidence enough for me to personally know there is truth in the notion that a number of secular relationships are NOT all blue skies and constant joy. Been there. Done that. Got the divorce decree.
Even so, I think you may have read more intent into the post than was actually meant. If it doesn’t apply to you, then it doesn’t apply to you.
Thanks for reading, though. I enjoyed your perspective.
Gregg
Gregg, my feelings were not hurt. I was simply surprised to find Hallee making such broad generalizations about non-Christians because she is usually a very good example of leading people toward Christianity by demonstrating the good it has brought to her life, instead of showing the bad it has done to others’ lives. You are a smart man, I am certain you understand the distinction. This post could have been just as effective without tearing down other peoples’ marriages.
I cannot comment about your experience with sexual relationships outside of marriage or in a prior marriage because both of those situations are against my own personal non-christian values.
anyway, sorry for debating on your blog Hallee. :)
Hi again, Sara.
Truthfully, I don’t mind being judged, especially by non-Christians. Feel free to carry on.
Again, I think you have read far more intent into the post than it was actually meant to communicate. I don’t see any tearing down of others either generally or personally in this post. You seem to know as well as I do that such a thing doesn’t describe Hallee’s heart.
But, again, I honestly do appreciate your perspective.
Gregg
Were someone to define polar opposites, they’d just have to draw a picture of you and me. :-) We’ve been debating for years – we’ve probably gone head-to-head on all of the conventional debates and some out of left field debates and come around full circle a couple of times, yet we still managed to become friends. I value that. No need to apologize for debating.
Hallee