A Message to Teenaged Girls Out There
I was in the high school parking lot the other day, waiting to pick up Kaylee. Two weeks from tomorrow, she’ll test for her driver’s license, so I’m trying to enjoy the time we have in the mornings driving to and from school.
When the students were released, I noticed a group of girls walk by and was just — flabbergasted, I guess — by the way one of them was dressed.
She had on shorts that were SHORT, like Daisy would have shied away from them. And, they were LOOSE. Which means, nothing was contained. I know it’s easy to toss out the words “your butt will hang out of them,” but this was actual flab of cheek flapping in the breeze hanging out of them.
My initial first thought was, “Doesn’t she have a mother?”
Followed immediately by, “She’s been in school for 7 hours, and her butt cheek is still hanging out of her shorts?”
So, clearly, there’s a lack of adult guidance happening with this young woman, and many just like her. So, I’m going to step up and be the adult in your life. Here’s my public service message to you:
There is absolutely NOTHING good that will ever come as a direct result of you dressing so that your butt cheek hangs out of your shorts. Any result of that is going to NOT be good, will not make your life better, and will not enhance your life in any positive way.
That’s just a simple fact.
It isn’t cute. It isn’t attractive. It isn’t fun. It just screams, “No adult cares enough about me to stop me from dressing like this.”
And that makes me sad.
Have some respect for yourself. Love yourself.
This reminds me of a guest post a I wrote for A Proverbs Wife about 3 years ago. In it, I said:
1 Timothy 2:8-10 (KJV) says:
I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
This verse isn’t saying that skirts should be a certain length or that sleeves must cover to the wrist. Pastor C.J. Mahaney, in a sermon titled “The Soul of Modesty” said:
Any biblical discussion of modesty begins by addressing the heart, not the hemline.
By dressing immodestly, we’re drawing attention to our bodies – in short, to our sex. We’re placing ourselves as the center of attention, hoping to draw lustful looks, to seduce. By allowing our children to dress the same way, we’re teaching them that they’re supposed to be noticed in that way, that physical appearance and attributes are what is important. That is the lesson instead of teaching them, as God asks, that Christ is important, that serving others comes first, that we live a life that exemplifies God and not ourselves.
Pastor John MacArthur writes in his book, “The MacArthur New Testament Commentaries, 1 Timothy”:
How does a woman discern the sometimes fine line between proper dress and dressing to be the center of attention? The answer starts in the intent of the heart. A woman should examine her motives and goals for the way she dresses. Is her intent to show the grace and beauty of womanhood? Is it to reveal a humble heart devoted to worshiping God? Or is it to call attention to herself, and flaunt her…beauty? Or worse, to attempt to allure men sexually? A woman who focuses on worshiping God will consider carefully how she is dressed because her heart will dictate her wardrobe and appearance.
And that is the key. Allowing our children, our teens, even our own selves, to dress immodestly is to send the signal that it’s okay, that it’s normal, and that it’s proper to allure men sexually. The Bible clearly tells us that outside of the boundaries of holy matrimony -it is not okay. The Bible warns men over and over again about being a slave to sexual immorality, to sinning with the eyes and with the heart, to falling prey to the sexual allure of immoral women. It is a battle that men will fight from the time of puberty until death. A young man said in an interview with Carolyn Mahaney:
Each and every day is a battle – a battle against my sin, a battle against temptation, a battle against my depraved mind. Every morning I have to cry out for mercy, strength, and a renewed conviction to flee youthful lusts. The Spirit is faithful to bring me the renewal I need to prepare me to do war against my sin, yet the temptation still exists. Sometimes, when I see a girl provocatively dressed, I’ll say to myself, “She probably doesn’t even know that a hundred and one guys are going to devour her in their minds today. But then again, maybe she does.”
Girls, love yourselves. And with that love, respect yourselves. You don’t have to dress like that. You can show the grace and beauty of womanhood with no butt cheeks involved. I promise, you can. And the result from that will be much more positive than the alternative.
Hallee
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I know EXACTLY what you mean. I just dropped ten pounds and went shopping for new shorts for myself… Do not go to Macy’s junior dept where the size zeros will fit, because ALL of them are “booty” shorts. What the heck! The other stuff in the women’s dept even in petite don’t fit my waist.
Luckily I found some longer shorts at Eddie Bauer (on clearance for $15!), but what teenager is going to willingly shop there!?
Part is on the designers, part is on the parents. Quite frankly the “fashions” of today ( and i use the word fashion loosely at this point) put me off. I haven’t bought clothes since before I was pregnant, so its been two years, because everything is ugly, too short etc.
I TOTALLY AGREE. I can not believe how young girls have been dressing lately. It is really sad. And you’re right–no good comes of it. I would have never been comfortable to dress that way–ever. And I’m glad for it. I’m also glad that my kids will go to school with a uniform at least until 8th grade. And if we stay where we are, that will probably continue to highschool where the dress code is khakis and polos. Perfect! At least that will be a good chunk of the day where I don’t have to worry. Because not only do I not want my daughters dressing that way, I don’t want my sons to see that and think it’s ok either.
I saw a young girl shopping at a popular outdoor mall recently. Like you said, her butt cheeks were LITERALLY hanging from her shorts. She was with an older woman that looked to be her mother (they looked alike). The young girl had a big purse and was wearing it so the purse was on her back, covering most of her butt. Either she was embarrassed or her mother was. But my friends and I thought–she shouldn’t have left the house that way.
Why do young girls think this is ok??
I was very small after Kaylee was born — I’m 5’11” and in a size 4. But, there are just some clothes that no woman who has ever carried a child to term should wear – lol. Our bodies totally change.
Because almost every single influence is saying it’s good and okay and acceptable.
My daughter, who is 8, and I had this conversation the other day.
DD: Mama, when can you buy me a belly shirt? I want one like my friend has.
Me: Sweetie, belly shirts are not for you. They are not for me, either. We don’t wear them. God would not have us dress like that.
DD: I can’t even wear one when I am 16?
Me: No. You cannot wear one at all when you live with Mommy and Daddy.
DD: What about when I am 27?
Me: Okay, yes. When you are grown up and 27, and if your husband thinks it’s okay, you can wear a belly shirt. :)
So, without shaming her friend or making a huge deal, I have given her a date when she can actually wear these fashions should she so choose. Of course, she will forget about it by then.
It will still be a fight at 16 – lol. Kaylee thinks properly and acts properly, but we still kind of butt heads over clothes. It’s so strange that she should know better but is still so influenced by media.
I’ve had similar discussions with my 6 year old dd. Unfortunately, often the friends are also Christians. How do we tactfully discuss what God would have us do without judging the other family?
Let me be blunt. As a man, I’m going to look at a woman who is scantily clad (or not clad at all) and react in some manner. I can’t help it. It is my sin nature. As a Christian, God’s Holy Spirit provides an escape route to my temptation to sin, but when a woman (no matter how small, large, pretty or not) dresses like she’s trying to convince any man who is willing to put dollar bills in her waistband, men are going to look. Sadly, our culture says this is okay. Our culture even encourages men to look. “It is harmless. I didn’t do anything.” Baloney. “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28). As much as I like looking at the female form, God gave me the awesome blessing of a wife with whom I can enjoy all that stuff. Ladies, please don’t tempt me (and every other man) toward lustful thoughts. Honor yourselves and everyone around you. Hold sacred the beauty of God’s gift of sex. Dress modestly and understand that when you don’t, you’re proclaiming to the world that you don’t value yourself.
I go to it as “you may not wear xyz” rather than “so and so wears xyz, and you can’t.” I keep other people out of it.
I love this comment so much that I wish I could frame it. :) Thank you, Barry, for adding to the discussion!
Someone on my Facebook considers your comment barbaric. Kind of a weird choice of words. I’m not sure if someone who thinks like that is worth engaging, but I wanted to let you know it’s out there. Here’s the link. Gregg said he would have engaged, but her comment is so full of fallacies that he doesn’t even know where to begin with it.
Beautifully stated Hallee and timely, indeed! Thank you! We’ve been having a lot of this discussion this week in light of the miley cirus (sp?) hullabaloo. We’re very fortunate and grateful that both our girls have a great sense of modesty. It’s hard to be ‘that family’ that is always swimming against the secular tide, but so worth it, for us and for them.
and for what it’s worth, I absolutely LOVED Barry’s input.
God Bless you!
I also loved this post and totally agree. I was at a family gathering with my in-laws the other week, and my husband’s young cousin who I think is maybe 10 or 11(?), was wearing the most appalling low-cut shirt with spaghetti straps. She was showing more cleavage than I let myself show, and I’m 30 years old and married. I couldn’t believe her parents let her wear clothes like that, and it made me sad for her. It also makes me pretty scared for what I’m going to have to deal with when my daughter gets a bit older and faces the same kinds of pressure from the media etc. She’s only four now, but the age this starts becoming a problem is getting younger and younger.
And I also greatly appreciated Barry’s comments on this. I think it’s helpful for Godly men to weigh in on the discussion so that women can understand what exactly goes on in their heads when men see women dressed inappropriately.
And I’m very blessed to be married to you too. :-)
This is how it starts, but turns into, “but xyz does, so why can’t I?” It makes it difficult to answer. “Our choices honor God” makes it sound like the Christian friend’s family makes choices that don’t…
My kids are heavily involved in our community theater organizations. They are currently rehearsing for a show. The other night we were cast sitting backstage, and I noticed a girl, probably 10 (Emma’s age, maybe a shade younger) and she was wearing white shorts, they kind to which you were referring, a coral lace stretchy shirt with a hot pink bra underneath and silver wedge shoes. She was impeccably groomed, clean, neat, beautiful hair, very poised. I was taken aback at what she was wearing. She did not look sleazy or anything, but it made me feel 1. sorry for her that she was wearing inappropriate clothing, 2. that her mother or father obviously allowed her to wear it, and 3. wondering why in the world you would ever let your child leave the house dressed like that. Emma in incredibly modest, for which I am thankful, but I am sure we will have these discussions as she grows older. I have always gone by the rule that if you won’t want her wearing it at 16, don’t let her wear it at 6. The Time Warp Wife did an excellent blog a while back on this, and it mirrored what Barry said above. http://time-warp-wife.blogspot.com/2013/06/if-she-only-knew-thoughts-on-modesty.html I am constantly amazed and concerned at the world our children are navigating these days.