Best Laid Plans…
So much has happened in the last few weeks that I don’t even know where to begin.
In May, Gregg and I had a meeting with Scott’s preschool teacher and the administrator at the Christian school at our church where Scott attended part time preschool. The result was basically that Scott needed an IEP to continue on into kindergarten in that school.
I talked a little bit about Scott in Seeing the Negative Space, and explained that we did not want to put Scott through testing and assessments just to get a “label” to slap on him. But, it appeared that despite what we didn’t want, if we wanted him to get an education at this school, as we felt led to do, we had to do just that.
I contacted his pediatrician in May and got the ball rolling. It took several weeks — mid July — for the first appointment with the counselor at the University of Kentucky. It’s taken several more weeks to even get the appointment (set for next week) to get his IQ test, which will launch any other needs and assessments. In the meantime, Scott started kindergarten at that school.
He was in class of 13, and started on a Wednesday. On Tuesday, we had our first, “We don’t think we can accommodate Scott” meeting with the administrator (who is also a friend of ours.) Scott’s OCD tendencies are debilitating, he is beyond intelligent and has no patience for the process of teaching – especially when it’s something that he already knows, his sensory issues overwhelm him, he doesn’t understand social moors (like pulling his pants up before he comes out of the bathroom), and other general issues. We compelled them to give it time to let him adjust to school. The a few days later (after removing him from school a few times for the day due to meltdowns), there was another “we don’t think this will work” meeting, and I offered to be at the school all day to mediate for Scott.
I was there on a Tuesday and Wednesday, and he had two amazing days. Wednesday after lunch, I took him with me because he’d started to spiral down. I flew to Oregon early Thursday morning and was gone for nearly a week, but Gregg worked from the school in my stead. Monday and Tuesday, Scott had just terrible days (I came home early Wednesday morning), and yesterday (Wednesday), they told us that their decision was final and that he could no longer attend school there.
We’ve had the initial IEP meeting with the school board (funds and services are available to private schools in our county through the school board for special needs children) and were REALLY impressed with the kindergarten teacher and the one special education teacher we met at the school in which we’re zoned. They in turn were really impressed with Scott, and it was almost like they were disappointed that he was in a private school and couldn’t be their student.
Currently at a loss as to what to do, at this time we’ve decided to try to enroll him in our public school, provided that the special education services department is able to facilitate us in enrolling him as something other than a “normal” child — we have no desire to throw him into the deep end again and expect him not to sink. If it doesn’t work out, pulling him out and homeschooling him is our next option. We want to take advantage of the services and counseling available to us through the public school system, and learn what we can learn about our son. As homeschoolers, we could enter next year attending the pre-school meeting and request funds and services along with the private schools. But this year, that would not be available to us (because we were not in the initial meeting when they divided up funds and services). I could homeschool him now, and he’d be done with a day’s worth of work in 20 minutes, but we don’t feel like that will be the best option for him.
I feel a little bit like a fraud. “Christian Homeschooling Mom Enrolls Special Needs Child in Public School.” I don’t know how a family so strongly homeschool minded could end up with not one, but two children in public school and a 4-year-old in a preschool. However, despite what WE thought was best, God has intervened and taken us on a different direction.
Here’s what we know: Our Scott is an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G 6-year-old. He is more than that negative space that are his “issues”. His future is so bright and wide-open. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for him.
Hallee
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The best laid plans…
If he will be able to get what he needs and will do well then there’s no harm in it. If our public schools were better we would consider sending our kids but they aren’t. God knows what He’s doing, everything will work out. :)
Hallee, I think you’re doing right for your son, and as worried as you were about him not being labelled, you shouldn’t worry about YOUR labels either. Just live your life as completely as you can and help him do the same. Public schools aren’t so bad. And I know you’ll be able to take up the slack in his spiritual well-being.
Don’t feel like a fraud. You need to do what is best for your family – whether that be homeschooling or public (or private) schools.
That’s a good point. Thank you, my friend.
I have a child enrolled in a Special Education class (3rd grade) in public school. Without the expertise and training these teachers have had to work with children that have special needs, I think the child would be far less ahead. God gives knowledge to people and wisdom. Not only are you wise to want your child educated, but trust that God will provide wisdom to the teachers to know just how to help him learn.
If public school is not going to be the best environment for your child, have the public school look into alternative schools that they would be required by law to pay for before you give up completely and try to home school again. I don’t know where you are located, but we have a County Department of Disabilities that provides services that also will work with/within the school districts to assist with learning. They also have programs available that will work with children on peer relationships and self care.
Good luck. I know that its a very long, struggling journey. God is long-suffering & I am thankful that he teaches me that talent :-)
I commend you for doing what is best for your son…that’s really the only thing that matters. Both of my boys have similar (although less pronounced) symptoms as your Scott. Especially my oldest. He is really smart, but very slow on the social aspect of things. But, outside of one time when he was evaluated by first steps, the doctors have always kind of blown off our concerns (“he’ll make eye contact, so he’s fine.”), while completely ignoring the very real issues that he does have. This is one of the reasons that we’re homeschooling him–I know public school would be like throwing him in the deep end :( Because he just can’t cope in certain social situations, and others don’t know how to interpret that. He looks completely normal and does most things completely normal, so people who aren’t around him much miss these problems and interpret them as other things (like he’s just being rude if he doesn’t respond to someone who asks him a question). It’s so tough to know what to do.
But, he’s an amazing kid.
It sounds like you are doing what is best for Scott and he in turn will get whatever it is worked out. You are right that God will guide your family into the right place for him.
You are not a fraud, you are a parent doing the best you can for your child with available resources. God is not limited to operating within our plans or especially our expectations, and what a way for Scott and those around you to learn that by your and Gregg’s example.
It isn’t being a fraud to explore all options that are best for your child. It would be fraud to to claim you want best for your child but only as long as it adheres to the label you put on yourself. You are being good parents in exploring what is best for this precious son God has given into your care.
All you are doing is finding the best solution for him to reach his GOD GIVEN potential.
(HUGS)
You are such a good mom, Hallee.
You know your son better than anyone. The Lord guides you in making the right decisions for his life. You are doing the best thing for Scott and that’s all that matters.
It’s been 19 years since we began homeschooling and I am so over the homeschool vs. public school debate that used to be so prevalent all those years ago. Do what’s best for your family. It looks different for all of us. Isn’t that great? (Our middle son spent his senior year in public school and graduated there. That means they got all the credit for the 12 years I taught him. ;))
Life is not about labels, but living sometimes is. It’s not a bad thing and is often a very necessary first step to getting the help you need. You yourself have already affixed labels, and God may be asking you to come out of your “comfort zone” and reach new ground to help your extraordinary little boy. Do what is best for him and keep an open mind. His family’s love and support are his foundation in what must seem a very confusing world to him and his future is wide open at this point. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bridgemans}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Hallee, I completely understand the quandary about schooling. I have three boys and have agonized with each one about the best setting for them, but as you know, God is ALWAYS faithful! He has the best in mind for you!
I’m a public school teacher and I have to say that some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met are special education teachers. Most of them are totally dedicated to their students, and many of them have personal experience dealing with differences – either themselves, or in their immediate family.
Hugs Hallee!
As a mom with a special needs kindergartner who has been working with the public school system, they do have a lot of things right… and the nice thing is that they can integrate so much into his day that is hard to do at home… I’m hopeful that Scott’s experience will be the right fit for him right now…
My best advice to you is to follow your instincts. You know what is best, if your heart tells you something is amiss, listen. As a mother, all you can do is your best. I know you will.
I just hope that his teachers see how smart he is and are able to stimulate him. If you do find yourself homeschooling, I’ve got your back. I have a six year old at home and would love to help in any way I can and bounce ideas off of your brillian mind.