Seeds of Faith: Lies Women Believe About Marriage
I thought chapter 6 of Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets them Free, just kind of brushed on the issues about marriage and the lies that can trap and hurt women. It seemed to just skim the surface. I don’t know if the author was trying to stay non-controversial or if she just didn’t want to get bogged down in details that could each one make up their own book.
However, while reading this chapter, a memory from long ago came to my mind. I was sitting in my then sister-in-law’s kitchen (I am no longer married to my daughter’s dad). We had daughters the same age and I often spent time at her house. She was married to my (ex)husband’s brother and was much younger and “hipper” than me.
I worked full time. She did not work. One day after work I was sitting in her kitchen while she and her daughter were eating dinner and her husband came home from work. He changed out of work clothes, then came into the kitchen and made started making himself dinner – not what she had made for her and her daughter, but an entirely new dish. Intrigued, I asked what he was doing.
His wife said, “I’m not here to serve him. I’m a stay at home mom. My responsibilities begin and end with my daughter. If he’s hungry, he can make himself something to eat.”
Despite working a full time job, the nurturing part of my personality recoiled at the thought. And as I write this, I think of all of the Biblical references to women feeding men: God visiting Sarah and Abraham and requesting that Sarah feed Him dinner; Elijah going to the widow with the son and requesting that she make him dinner; Christ raising his friend’s mother from the sick bed and healing her and immediately requesting that she make them dinner. The references go on and on.
My point is not that women are put on this earth to feed men. However, wives were created to be a helper to their husbands before the fall, not doomed to a “lesser” role as a punishment and result of the fall. God created us as His perfect creation – beautifully designed in God’s image. Egalitarians and progressives have a problem with the concept – but that doesn’t change our roles. Part of our design is to meet our husband’s basic needs — a meal, a clean environment, willing and loving sexual relations, listening to them, soothing them, helping them where they need help.
That was the purpose of our even coming into being – the reason God created Eve.
Conversely, husbands are given the charge of being the leader in the home. Not for the purpose of being more superior, but for the purpose of being accountable to God for the family. When Eve sinned and ate of the the tree of knowledge of good and evil, God didn’t come to her and say, “What did you do, Eve?” He went to Adam. Adam was the one ultimately responsible. The term submit as used in the new Testament when describing the roles between husbands and wives is a military term. It is not a patriarchal term designed to have women bowing their heads and walking three feet behind their husbands. In a military unit, there has to be a leader, regardless of how proficient the other members of the unit are. That is just simply the way it is, and no amount of modern wishing and convincing ourselves otherwise will change who God will consider the ultimate responsibility for the family.
I have the companion guide for this book, and out of the dozens of study questions for chapter 6, I have chosen just a few of the questions. However, these are meaty, deep thinking questions. This guide is designed for you to work a chapter a week, and work through several self-searching questions every day. You may find it beneficial in our study of this book to have your own guide and be able to go through every question. But, for our purposes here, following are just a few questions:
1. How does our culture promote unrealistic expectations of marriage?
2. While our intentions in wanting to change our husbands may be good in our own eyes, what does the Bible say about women who constantly hard on their husbands? (Read Proverbs 17:1, 19:13, 21:9).
3. The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:10-31 is probably a composite of the virtuous qualities in many women. What can you learn from her about serving your husband and family?
4. How does submission to God-ordained authority reveal that we are trusting in God?
5. Why is marriage a lifetime building relationship? How does divorce mar God’s design?
6. What benefits does a wife experience when she lives in submission to God and to her husband?
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