The Power of a Praying Wife: Chapter 18 – His Fatherhood
- By: Hallee
- 4 Comments
Children’s children are the crown of old men,
And the glory of children is their father. Proverbs 17:6
Since the beginning of the 20th century, there has been an effort to denigrate men, feminize them, render them incapable of any kind of clear thought outside of Monday night football. Sitcoms and commercials make fathers out to be impotent dimwits, buffoons, idiots, while a take-charge woman cleans up the mess behind them. The more aware of it I have become, the more irritated I get at it, and the less popular culture I’m willing to endure.
It has DESTROYED fatherhood, the expectations we should place on fathers, the way we are to respect fathers. How are we supposed to reckon our relationship with our Father God as a father-figure when one of the ridiculous Disney tweenie sitcoms has the dad getting stuck in a closet with a locked door that he is apparently incapable of kicking down for hours and hours while the rest of the family goes to dinner and ponders, halfway through the main course, “Wait, what’s missing?” (I can’t remember the name of the show – this was the last episode that was ever allowed in our home. It’s one with two brothers, maybe.)
My husband, Gregg, entered into our marriage and not only had to learn to be my husband, he had to learn to be Kaylee’s father. It had always been in his heart’s desire to be a father, but Kaylee was already five when we got married, so there was a period of adjustment for both of them. It was probably easier on us, though, because Gregg lived in a different state the first three months we were married, and then was in Afghanistan until our first anniversary. That gave everyone time to adjust to our new roles, and by the time he came home, we all kind of slipped into them.
However, there were a few things here and there. I remember one time Kaylee did something pretty bad. I don’t remember what it was. But she was punished and it was over. The next day, Gregg was still a little bit cool toward her. I had to pull him to the side and teach him that she didn’t remember crime and punishment, and that a new day is a new day — and oftentimes a new hour is a new hour. It was something he hadn’t even considered until that moment because he didn’t start off his fathering with an infant Kaylee – he started off with a willful five-year-old.
But I watch him now and am AMAZED at how good of a father he is. Kaylee is 13 and adores him – she seeks his advice and his love. He was home quite a bit when Scott was an infant and would just hold him up against his broad chest. Scott would snuggle in and sleep deeply. He has been gone almost all the time since my pregnancy with Jeb, yet he is very much Daddy, Father, the Head of our home. No child doubts it. They talk to him constantly on video conferencing even to the point that he’ll reprimand bad behavior and they’ll stop — never considering that he’s 8,000 miles away and what can he do about it? They count down days until they can see him, and when he’s home, there’s never a single bump in the way things are done. He takes on his mantle as leader of the home and the children crowd around him, loving him, desiring time with him, clamoring for his attention.
One of the first things that we as wives can do is to respect our husbands and make sure our children know we respect them. Don’t ever, ever put them down in front of your children, and don’t ever, ever correct parenting in front of your children. Don’t consider their time alone with their own children as “babysitting”, and let the father take the lead in the home. Those steps alone will raise your husband up to where he needs to be in the eyes of your children. You can also try something we did — if the parents are disrespected on the show, it isn’t watched in our home. There are no exceptions.
Read chapter 18 of The Power of a Praying Wife and consider the following questions. For this chapter, I am leaving the comments on. However, because I have already started this book in the forum, I will also post the discussion questions here. Feel free to comment on either place.
1. Does your husband ever worry about being a good father? Do you ask him if he does? If he has never been a father, does he want to be?
2. Does/did your husband have a good father? What does he say his relationship was like? What is it like today?
3. Does your husband have a good relationship with each of his children? Why or why not?
4. 2 Corinthians 6:18 says: “I will be a Father to you,and you shall be My sons and daughters,” says the LORD Almighty. Does your husband really know God as his Heavenly Father? Do you?
5. Do you ever feel your husband is more concerned about being a good father than being a good husband? Explain.
6. Read the prayer on pages 140-141 in The Power of a Praying Wife and include specifics as they pertain to your husband.
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I couldn’t agree with you more. Our culture has made fathers out to be buffoons. We don’t watch a great deal of TV for this reason. I suppose some would accuse us of being narrow-minded and behind the times. Those of us who hold the view “honor thy father” are almost ridiculed for our “archaic” beliefs. We are insidiously persecuted as families who hold a Biblical worldview.
My husband didn’t have a good relationship with his father. Neither did I. But one thing I’ve learned in life is that our respect for our fathers is not contingent upon their godly character, or lack thereof. Some things are simple commands that just need to be obeyed, regardless.
I enjoyed this post, and will be back ASAP
I would disagree, respect is something to be earned, not automatically given. Respect should not be confused with obedience, I can obey someone without necessarily respecting them, as anyone in the military can attest. Misbehaving should also not be confused with respect, although they can be and usually are connected.
A child should not behave disrespectfully to their parents, in general they should listen, learn and obey, unless there is good reason not to, but having respect for a person or holding them in high regard can only be earned.
Respect is to be given to parents by their children. Period. It need not be earned. Parents have nothing to prove to their children.
Ephesians 6:1-3 says: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
The “in the Lord” is “obey your parents as they are God’s representatives here on earth.” Children are to honor their parents and obey them as they honor and obey God. Period. Not “Children, honor and obey your parents when you’ve lived long enough to determine that they may have earned your respect.” That’s not even logical.