Something About Me Most People Don’t Know

One thing about my personality that most people can pick up on within a short amount of time in meeting me is that I’m a very capable person.  If I see a task, I figure out a way to accomplish it.  I’m moderately intelligent, good at logic, I’m good at critical thinking, I’m good at math, and I have a tendency to take charge and lead.  All of those things combine into one neat little capable package.

Gregg often uses pectin as an example when he is discussing my capable-ness.  He said that he mentioned to me once that pectin can be found naturally in apples.  I saw a real-food blog party about natural food preserving.  I remembered the conversation about pectin, researched it, picked apples from our own apple tree,  made pectin, used it to make grape jelly, and then wrote a couple of blog posts about it.

Quite capable.

My capableness tends to provide a cover for another side of me.

The thing that most people don’t know about me, though, is that I’m just about the laziest person you’ll ever meet.

It’s  true.

The only thing that keeps me from lying about on the couch all day long, eating grapes and snacking on bon-bons, reading romance novels or cookbooks is accountability.  I feel accountable to my husband.  I want his home to be a place of pride, even during this long absence.  I feel accountable to my daughter.  I want her to come home and/or bring friends home to a clean, ordered home where after-school snacks are available.I feel accountable to all of my children.  I want their bodies as healthy as I can make them, and so I take extra steps in feeding them.

But that doesn’t mean that inside me isn’t this lazy woman wanting to spend six hours playing with her Facebook newsfeed then ordering pizza for dinner.

The other day, Gregg and I were talking about my email subscriber system on this blog.  I don’t really know my way around the program that manages it, but I was in it a few weeks ago and stumbled upon the area where I set the settings for the emails.  Right now they go out at 7AM EST every day.  I told Gregg in a way I wished I could remember how I got there so that if I were running late for a post, I could change the settings.

Gregg said exactly what I was thinking as I said those words out loud.  “Not a great idea.”

I agreed.  If I could change the settings, the posts would come later and later every day.  Having a deadline I cannot control forces  me to work to get posts done  by 7AM EST every day.  Forces me to be accountable to you by 7AM EST every day.  The lazy side to my personality would convince me that it would be fine to push posts back day after day after day.

There’s a reason I’m exposing my very human self to you this way.

I consider my laziness a character flaw that I have to battle.  (It’s that or God was equipping me for about 4 months of total bed rest between two of my pregnancies – ha!)  I once  felt extremely inadequate and insecure as a person.  It was born of several years married to my first husband.  When I realized just how bad it had gotten I determined that I wasn’t going to accept that particular flaw and I joined a professional organization associated with my job.  It took six months before I attended the first meeting – before I walked into a room full of professional colleagues, held out my hand, and introduced myself.  Within a few years, I headed the committee to run a state-wide conference.  Within another few years, I was president.  Not long after that, they were trying to convince me to be on the national board, and my pregnancy with Scott was the only thing that had me saying no.  It took YEARS to feel competent when I walked into a meeting.  Years.  I fought an internal “you are not worthy to be speaking to this person” during every single networking event.  And on a level, I still battle it.  But I never give in to it.  When I feel myself withdrawing, I force myself to step even further into a crowd.

I think the same thing goes with this struggle with the desire to be lazy that I feel.  I want you to understand that even if you are like me — someone who has to give herself a pep talk in order to get up and do the dishes every night instead of going to bed and just dealing with them in the morning, (anyone remember Sweet Pickles books, Goof-Off-Goose’s “I’ll do it tomorrow!”?) you can still do it.  You can still cook homemade, from scratch, healthy.  You can still keep a clean home, maintain order, keep it all in check.  You can still wash, dry, fold, and put away laundry every single day.

What you need to do is to recognize and acknowledge that part of your character.  Determine that you’re going to battle that part of your character.  Then, pull out whatever weapons you need in order to beat it down.  It can be done.  I am living proof that it can be done.  If you think you just don’t have the motivation to keep an orderly home, you’re just making excuses.  Nothing will change until you let go of the excuses.

If it takes a pep talk, then give yourself one.  If it takes accountability, find someone to help you with it.  If it takes getting up and just working, then quit reading this, get up, and start working.  If it takes a schedule and a timer, then put that system in place.  Just because there’s an internal desire inside of you to not do it, doesn’t mean you should give into that desire.

When talking with Gregg about the email system, I said something about being lazy.  He said, “You’re not lazy.  You just work better with a deadline.”  And as I wrap this post up at 6:47, I think we’re both probably right.



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