The 5 Best Kept Christian Secrets to the Best Sex Ever: Part 5

If I may ask, I would be very interested in any study that shows that the divorce rate among couples who marry as virgins is greater than a statistical zero. I also believe this subject is too important to leave out any citation or information, to include any refutations.

The original source for the statistical zero among virgins who marry was Mark Gungor as quoted in his marriage seminar, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, DVD number 5. “Did you know that the divorce rate among couples who marry as virgins is statistically zero?”
http://www.laughyourway.com/

I found a reference to the scenario he descried on his blog: http://www.laughyourway.com/blog/the-damage-of-sexual-promiscuity/
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…consider scenario B:

A man falls in love with a woman and asks her to marry him. His friends approve, his family approves, his co-workers approve. They all join in a concerted effort to make the event a success – planning, showers, and parties. They all come together in one gigantic effort to celebrate their approval of what he has chosen. They now gather in the presence of God, under the approval of his minister. They commit themselves before God and are then off for what will arguably be the biggest party of his life.

Then, with the joyous approval of every person important in his life, he takes his bride to their honeymoon suite and for the first time in his life – without the rush or fear of a back-seat encounter – he experiences the most wonderful sensation of his life as he enters his bride’s body and reaches his sexual peak.

He now ties EVERYTHING I just mentioned to that one girl – all the approval of his family, friends and coworkers, the church, the celebration, and most importantly, the incredible sensation he has just felt. All these elements join together and he IMPRINTS on the girl, for it is because of her and only her that he has just experienced the most wonderful day of his life.

Many would argue that this wedding day scenario would have the same effect with a guy who had already been having sex, but they would be wrong. NOTHING impacts a man like his first sexual experience [emphasis mine].

If a man has his first sex outside of marriage, what he imprints on is the SEX – indeed, it becomes as if any woman willing to have sex with him would suffice. Many of these men later turn to illicit affairs or porn, fantasies and masturbation in a pathetic attempt to re-visit the experience to which they have forever imprinted upon. Women who marry such men can sense this and try desperately to get their man to focus solely on them. Sadly, it is a battle that most will lose. On the other hand, when a man has his first sexual experience in the context of marriage, he imprints on the GIRL, for she is the sole reason for his incredible experiences. Indeed, these men tend to marry once for life [emphasis mine].
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Gungor’s conclusion here supports the statistical zero for a divorce rate which he verbalized in his seminar. I didn’t question it since I have no reason to doubt it, especially after all the research I have done that proves it true.

However, in about five minutes, I was able to do my own math that rather starkly supports the statistic based on reasonable mathematical assumptions. Assuming these numbers are fairly accurate — and I have no cause to seriously doubt them since I have no agenda — the math is pretty straight forward.

As you know, statistics are tricky things. The divorce rate of the general population in the United States for the 12 months preceding February 2008 was 3.6 percent per thousand. This is a decline in the national average of 4.2 percent in 1999. Both statistics are based on data collected by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. On its face, this represents a decline of 0.6 percent in the divorce rate in a 10 year period. However, neither statistic takes into account cohabitation or annulment thus quantifying only marriages that ended in divorce. Qualifying couples who engage in cohabitation then separation along with the decline in marriages skews these statistics dramatically.

So here are my parameters. Use published and, as much as possible, non biased numbers. Use a fair demarcation. Make valid assumptions. Therefore, my denominator to arrive at a statistical zero is “less than one half of one percent equals statistical zero.” So, rounding up/down from a 0.04% demarcation.

1. We are not adherents to the political agenda purported by SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States) as their agenda runs counter to common sense. SIECUS is an organization whose primary purpose is to eliminate abstinence based sex education which I personally think is idiotic because abstinence based sex education has been shown to be the most effective kind. Still, even SIECUS own admittedly biased studies show that 20% of American women are virgins when they first marry, although I suspect that among Christians, this percentage may be slightly to significantly higher. nevertheless, I have no reason to doubt their number even considering the source, so I will call it a non-biased number. http://www.siecus.org/pubs/fact/fact0001.html

2. We are not Baptist as our tolerance for dancing should clearly reflect. However, Dr. Tom Ellis, chairman of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Council on the Family stated that Christian couples who marry in the [Baptist] church after having received premarital counseling and who attend church regularly and pray together daily experience only 1 divorce out of approximately 39,000 marriages. Even though I am not SBC, I can reasobably assume this is a non-biased number. I have no reason to doubt the number.

3. We are not LDS as our love of coffee should clearly reflect. However, latter Day Saint studies cite divorce rates of 5.4% to 6% based on data collected since 1830. Sources: Daniel K. Judd in Religion, Mental Health and the Latter-day Saints. William Lobdell, Holy Matrimony: In an Era of Divorce Mormon Temple Weddings are Built to Last in Los Angeles Times, 8 April 2000; Dave Condren, New Temple Marks Origin of Mormons in Buffalo News, 27 March 2000. Statistically, this is less than 1 divorce per 54,000 marriages and represents the lowest divorce rate among all U.S. social and religious groups. Even though I am not LDS, I feel I can reasobably assume this is a non-biased number. I have no reason to doubt it.

Therefore, using these parameters for my calculated basis, I come to the following conclusions. Statistically, 1 divorce out of 39,000 marriages is 0.00256 percent and 1 divorce out of 54,000 marriages is 0.00185 percent. Already, these are statistically well below zero.

Factor in that of those divorces, 20% of the women involved, 1 in 5, were virgins when they first married. That reduces the sampled pool and the result in each category to 0.00051 percent and 0.00037 percent. Assuming that only 1 in 5 of the men who married THOSE virgin women were also virgins (4% of the main sample and 20% of the smaller sample) and the divorce rate drops to 0.000102 percent and 0.000074 percent.

Again, I believe it is highly likely that MORE than 20% of Christian women and MORE than 4% of Christian men who marry are virgins when they wed, which would push the percentages out MUCH further, in fact to the point that doing the math becomes even more ridiculous.

And again, I would be very interested in any study that shows that the divorce rate among couples who marry as virgins is greater than a statistical zero.

In researching this series, Hallee and I encountered reams of evidence that further support this statistic.

Dr. John Diggs and Dr. Eric Keroack, “People who have misused their sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond with an individual.” Permanent implying never separating or divorcing since permanent means, well, permanent. http://www.abstinence.net/library/index.php?entryid=344

One of the keys to helping us understand permanent bonding was to better understand human sexual physiology.

A good article on the role of oxytocin and vasopression in sexual relationships which is heavily cited and fairly readable can be found at: http://www.physiciansforlife.org/content/view/1492/36/

A new book by Doctors Joe S. McIlhaney (Joe S. Mcllhaney, Jr., M.D., is the president of The Medical Institute for Sexual Health) and Freda McKissic Bush, Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex Is Affecting Our Children, qualitatively and quantifiably analyzes more than 60 years of sexual and biological studies in light of recent discoveries using cutting edge three dimensional brain modeling.

Reading Hooked is largely not for laymen, especially in the later chapters, and this book is also not a Christian book or written to accommodate a Christian world view. In this book, permanent bonds are referred to as essentially the default attained by limiting sexual experiences to a single monogamous relationship. In my world, that is wedlock. The book further details how multiple sexual partners derails the default and alters human brain function to include altering the higher judgment centers, particularly in adolescents. (Sample Chapter online) http://www.bookdaily.com/book/288958/freda-mckissic-bush/hooked-new-science-on-how-casual-sex-is-affecting-our-children?addbook=288958

Other sources used for this series:

Every Man’s Battle–Book and Workbook By Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker

The Sexual Man By Dr. Archibald D. Hart

The Secrets of Eve By Dr. Archibald D. Hart, Dr. Catherine Hart Weber and Debra L. Taylor

Intended for Pleasure, Fourth Edition By Ed Wheat, M.D. & Gaye Wheat

Love Life for Every Married Couple By Ed Wheat, M.D.

The Language of Sex: Experiencing the Beauty of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage By Dr. Gary Smalley & Ted Cunningham

The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women: Discover the Secrets of Great Sex in a Godly Marriage By Gary Rosberg, Barbara Rosberg & Ginger Kolbaba

Crazy Good Sex By Dr. Les Parrott

Turn Up the Heat: A Couples’ Guide to Sexual Intimacy By Dr. Kevin Leman

Sheet Music By Dr. Kevin Leman

William G. Axinn and Arland Thornton, “The Relation Between Cohabitation and Divorce: Selectivity or Casual Influence?” Demography 29, 1992, 357-374. As quoted in Why Marriage Matters, p. 57.

Is Premarital Sex Worth It? Joe S. Mcllhaney, Jr., M.D., president of The Medical Institute for Sexual Health http://www.marriageromance.com/stories/10802697703.htm

Bumpass and Sweet 1995; Hall and Zhao 1995) As quoted in focus on the Family brochure “Five reasons you need a ‘piece of paper.'”

Kim Camplisson, “Celebrating Christian Marriage,” The Southern Cross, April 26, 2001, 8.

National Survey of Family Growth, Dr. Kahn, Dr. London. As reported at http://www.members.aol.com/cohabiting/soc.htm.

Elizabeth Thompson and Ugo Colella, “Cohabitation and Marital Stability: Quality or Comiitment?” Journal of Marriage and the Family 54, 1992, 263. As quoted in Why Marriage Matters, p. 57.

John D. Cunningham and John K. Antill, “Cohabitation and Marriage: Retrospective and Predictive Consequences,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 11, 1994, 90. As quoted in Why Marriage Matters, p. 58.

Tanfer, Koray, and Forste, Renata. “Sexual Exclusivity Among Dating, Cohabiting, and Married Women,” Journal of Marriage and Family, February 1996, 33-47. As quoted in Five reasons you need the “Piece of Paper” Focus on the Family, 2000.

Colson, Charles 1995, as quoted in Five reasons you need the “Piece of Paper” Focus on the Family, 2000 .

Lee Robins and Darrell Regier, Psychiatric Disorders in America: The Epidemiologic Catchment Area Study (New York: Free Press, 1991), p. 64. As quoted in Why Marriage Matters, p. 66-67.

Hering 1994:4, as quoted in Five reasons you need the “Piece of Paper” Focus on the Family, 2000 .

William Mattox, Jr, “Could This be True Love? Test it with Courtship, not Cohabitation,” USA Today, Arlington; Feb 10, 2000.

Elizabeth Thompson and Ugo Colella, 1992, p. 266. As quoted in Why Marriage Matters, p. 57.

“The Benefits of Chastity Before Marriage.” 17 March 2004.
http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/benefitsofchastity.aspx

“Benefits of Abstinence.” 17 March 2004. http://www.worldwidegroovecorp.com/abstinence/

Benoit, Marilyn B., M.D. “The Role of Psychological Factors.” 17 March 2004.www.welfareacademy.org/conf/papers/psych.cfm

The Children’s Defense Fund. The State of America’s Children Yearbook. (1994) 17 March 2004. http://www.family.org/

Emory University Department of Gynecology and Obstetrics. “Abstinence.” 16 March 2004. http://www.emory.edu/WHSC/MED/FAMPLAN/abstinence.html

Hanna, Nancy. “Ten Reasons Why Sex Should Wait Until Marriage.” 28 March 2004. http://www.unification.net/tfv/tenreasons.html

Hooten, Jeff. “The New Virgins.” 16 March 2004.
http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/public//@fotf_troubledwith/documents/articles/

Hornor Noel. “Sex Outside of Marriage: What’s the Big Deal?” 17 March 2004.
http://www.ucg.org/gn/gn41/deal.html

Jordahl, Steve. “Physicians Rallying to Abstinence Message.” 18 March 2004: 1. Sexual Purity 8 October 2002. http://www.premaritalsex.info/abstinence_msg.htm

“Life is Sacred.” 16 March 2004.
http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/public//@fotf_troubledwith/documents/articles/

Mcllhanney Joe S. Jr., M.D. “Media Advisories.” 16 March 2004.
http://www.medinstitute.org/media/index.htm

Mcllhaney, Joe S., Jr. M.D. “Testimony of Joe S. Mcllhaney, Jr., M.D.” 16 March 2004: 3-8. 23 April 2002. http://www.medinstitute.org/media/testimony.htm

The Medical Institute for Sexual Health. “Sexually Transmitted Diseases.” 16 March 2004.www.medinstitute.org/medical/index.htm

Morse, Anne. “The Best Sex.” 16 March 2004.
http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/public//@fotf_troubledwith/documents/articles/

“The Pill – Oral Contraceptives.” 19 March 2004. http://www.fwhc.org/birthcontrol/thepill.htm

“Psychological Reasons Not to Live Together.” 17 March 2004.
http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-psycho.html

“Question and Answer.” 16 March 2004.
http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/public//@fotf_troubledwith/documents/articles/

“Sex Before Marriage.” 16 March 2004.
http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/public//@fotf_troubledwith/documents/articles/

Whitmore, Cassidy. “What is Sex Worth?” 16 March 2004.
http://www.troubledwith.com/Web/groups/public//@fotf_troubledwith/documents/articles/

“Why Should I Save Sex for Marriage?” 17 March 2004.
http://www.christiananswers.net/q-sum/sum-f001.html

Hope this helps.