The 5 Best Kept Christian Secrets to the Best Sex Ever: Part 5

This post concludes the series.  If you missed or skipped a post, you can click here.

Caution: This post consists of a rather frank and forthright discussion of human sexuality in the context of marital intimacy.

The number five important fifth of five best kept Christian sex secret to the BEST SEX EVER is…


…is to be in a state of holy matrimony, as in genuinely married. I am talking about exchanging vows and committing to each other as husband and wife for the rest of your days here on earth. Not living together. Not dating. Not going steady. Not being sex “partners.” Not engaged to be married at some future date. I am talking about being in a state of holy matrimony — genuinely MARRIED.

You may have some doubts.  You may ask, “Isn’t it possible to have the BEST SEX EVER without being married to the person you have sex with?” And the short answer is … No.

No way, no how. It is completely impossible.

In spite of this common sense answer, there are thousands of ways sexperts try to convince us to disrespect sexuality within the sanctity of the marriage union. To be plain, genuine marriage involves exactly two adult members of the same species and of the opposite sex who commit to love and honor each other for the entirety of their mortal lives.  Anything else is not genuine, not a lifelong commitment, more about selfish gratification than sharing in a holy union, and not sanctified. All rhetoric aside, all invalid comparisons put to rest, all silly allegories and “politically correct” rationalizations dismissed, this definition of what is genuine marriage is just plain common sense.

Speaking of common sense, it is a qualifiable and quantifiable fact that if you are having sex outside of the boundaries of genuine marriage, you are never ever going to have the BEST SEX EVER.  The BEST SEX EVER requires the permanency of exclusivity and lifelong commitment.

Another of the most visible means of disrespecting the sanctity of marriage is by perpetuating the myth that “most” men dream of group sex encounters. This myth is also beginning to creep into the arena of women as well. “Women commonly think about a threesome or group sex.” says Ava Cadell, Ph.D, sexpert.

According to the Sex in America study which sampled thousands of average Americans, the myth of some innate desire for group sex encounters on the part of a “majority” of people is patently false. Among Christians, particularly, according to two definitive studies conducted by Doctor Archibald Hart, Ph. D and published in The Sexual Man and The Secrets of Eve, it is not only completely false, but apparently entirely baseless.

The truth is that many, many studies have confirmed what the Biblical view implies. Specifically, that becoming “one flesh” with one partner provides the best setting for satisfying sexual intimacy, and intimacy is a main ingredient to having the BEST SEX EVER. Common sense dictates that sex is neither a spectator sport for group indulgence nor an event to test a person’s ability to “score” with multiple partners.  Sex is a deeply personal activity shared by two human beings, not an Olympic event.

Casual sex, as a way to prove one’s prowess or simply achieve physical relief of sexual tension, only confirms that one’s ability to engage in intercourse is intact. The fact is that multiple partners create mistrust, performance anxiety, and mental comparison evaluations that always act as barriers to the deepest levels of intimacy. Although possibly providing some brief physical pleasure, it always fails to meet the deeper human need for intimacy that sex was designed by God to provide.

A married couple in a life-long committed relationship enters into more and more secure and trusting territory with each and every sexual encounter. In that context sex can truly become “making love,” which is absolutely the BEST SEX EVER, rather than just having sex.

Sexually, men imprint on their experiences. If a man’s first sexual experience is masturbatory and influenced by pornography, he will likely imprint on those experiences for years to come. If his first experience is in the back seat of his parent’s Oldsmobile with a cheerleader he barely knows, he will imprint on that experience. However, if his first encounter occurs within the boundaries of genuine marriage with his wife, he imprints mainly on his WIFE.

In the case of multiple sex partners, studies have repeatedly shown that women release less and less oxytocin with each new sexual encounter. Oxytocin is called the “bonding” hormone.  In the case of casual sex with multiple partners, there is, ultimately, an inability to bond at any kind of emotional level. Conversely, a married woman bonds more and more deeply with her mate each time her husband brings her to sexual fulfillment.

Best Sex Ever: Couple Feet 4Did you know that the divorce rate among married couples who were virgins when they wed is statistically zero? Did you know that, in the USA, the divorce rate among every other group is greater than 61%?

Statistics rarely tell the entire story; however, they can tell part of the story. Did you know that 50% of married women and 66% of married men in the U.S. commit adultery. Realistically, these statistics combine to indicate that approximately 83% — five out of six — marriages involve at least one adulterous partner.

Divorces per 1,000 marriages in 1969 were only 140. In 1996 they were 451 which represents an increase of 222% since 1969.

The number of divorcees more than quadrupled, from 4.3 million in 1970 to 18.3 million in 1996.

After 1996, the divorce rate leveled off congruent with the decline in couples actually getting married. Cohabitation increased by close to 1,000% between 1960 and 1998.

In 1940, 3.8% of infants were born to unmarried women. In 2002, 33% of infants were born to unmarried women. The rate varies from 89% for unmarried teenagers ages 15 to 19 to 12% for unmarried women ages 30 to 44.

In “Women’s Studies” courses in college, young women are routinely taught that marriage has an adverse effect on women’s overall health when the exact opposite is true.

According to data compiled by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, research shows that a healthy state of holy matrimony results in many benefits for women, compared to unmarried women, or women in unhealthy marriages, including but not limited to the following:  Married women…

… experience more satisfying relationship with their husbands (opposed to boyfriend or other partner)
… have a much more satisfying sexual relationship than unmarried women
… have much better relationships with their children
… experience more satisfying relationships with nonfamily members
… are emotionally healthier
… are physically healthier
… are wealthier overall
… are less likely to remain or end up in poverty
… are less likely to be victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or other violent crimes
… have a decreased risk of drug and alcohol abuse
… are less likely to contract sexually transmitted diseases
… are less likely to attempt or commit suicide

Detailed studies have further revealed that healthy marriage leads to qualifiable and quantifiable benefits for men, children, and communities as well. Notably, married men live longer and have much more satisfying sexual relationships with their wives than unmarried men do at any time with anyone.

Best Sex Ever: Couple Feet 3Bottom line: every impartial study ever performed has revealed that married men and women enjoy better and more satisfying sex lives than unmarried men and women do.

“But what’s wrong with premarital sex?” Well, lots of things. First of all, extramarital sex never results in the BEST SEX EVER. For me, that is reason enough NOT to settle for anything less. Is there some reason you should settle? Do you purchase second best fruit given a choice?

Secondly, I’ll stick with the fruit metaphor, would you think it was wrong of me to go pick a pear up at the grocery store, take a bite to ensure I am going to like it, then maybe not commit and toss it back into the bin before choosing another pear?  Maybe a nibble of that one then toss it back, too?  Then another?  Maybe I bite a bunch of them before deciding on the one I want to actually purchase (commit to). Does that seem like a reasonable or rational activity in which to engage?

I realize that nearly every media outlet portrays the myth that extramarital sex is exciting, awesome, “the earth moved” kind of sex. Conversely, nearly every media outlet portrays that married couples rarely even have sex, and when or if they do that it nearly always stinks. This is simply fantasy. The exact opposite is true.

The truth is that married couples who commit to each other, romance each other, keep pure in their intentions toward each other, take time and talk through their goals — those married couples privately enjoy the BEST SEX EVER.


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